A Little Marriage Mixup!
by Scribblezzz
Summary: Reposted, found it after digging through tons of virtual junk. Hinata's afraid of commitment, and Gaara wants to be married off, real bad. Read about the crazy mishaps and plot hooks, insanity, and... well, you gotta read it to find out. Crackfic, GaaHina
1. Chapter 1

_As I saw it, I __really__ thought this story sucked. And then I got a hold of my USB and opened this folder called 'Stories'. In it, were old fanfics I made for Naruto. I started reading, and I chuckled to myself lots of times (because I can't LOL, my sister's sleeping) and thought, "Hey, these ain't half-bad!"_

_I started to regret that I deleted these fanfictions, and I thought I couldn't put them back on, 'cause I thought I deleted most of the chapters. The only ones left were the thirteenth and the fourteenth chapters, and one that was labeled 'ALMMU'. I quickly assumed that was the first chapter. What I was so stupid to overlook was that my stories take an average of about 40 kb, while 'ALMMU' took, like, 309 kb. When I was done reading the previous stories, I took a look at the file named ALMMU. And there they were. EVERYTHING, chapters one to thirteen were there._

_I decided to repost these, with minor edits like proofreading and stuff. I also added these little thingies at the end of the story that show their reactions. I'll keep most of the story intact, especially the first few parts, because you can really see how much my writing has developed. Enjoy._

I am _VERY _weird...this story would only consist of five chapters- five short chapters. [EDIT] Look at how far I've gone now!! –happy dance-

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warning: Contains a not-so-healthy dose of weirdness. You might need some counter-medication.

Now on with the story!

--

**A Little Marriage Mix-up**

**Chapter 1: Ring Bearer and Flower Girl**

It was a typical autumn day. The trees were a magnificent blend of golden brown and orange. It was windy, perfect for flying kites. Birds were chirping, and children were playing.

BORING!!!!

Who'd like a story like that?!

In truth, it was summer. It was raining, and it was summer. Much better…

So… what do I do now? Oh yeah, Naruto was stuck inside. And he wasn't complaining, either. He was squatting on the floor, working on something on a piece of paper. Here's what he wrote:

Bride: Sakura (then a tiny little heart right beside it)

Groom: MYSELF!!! DUH!!!

Bridesmaid: Ino

Best Man: (he left that one blank, though he _was _considering ramen…)

Ring Bearer: Gaara (he was still debating on whether or not he should cross that out)

Flower Girl: ________________

"Flower girl… I know! Hinata-chan!" And so he scribbled it down on paper in his barely intelligible handwriting (assuming he actually writes, of course.)

He checked the window... it was still raining. He sighed. He took out a little box... and opened it. It was his proposal ring. A simple circle made of three 14 karat white golden wires, entwined together to make a single ring. He knew it wasn't much, but it was an heirloom, or, more specifically, a _cursed _heirloom. Whoever wears it cannot take it off, and the only one who can remove it is the one who truly loved her. But then, who would believe that sort of fairytale poppycock?

And while I was blabbing about the ring, Naruto fell asleep. Hey, was it _that _boring?

And so he slept... until about three o' clock in the afternoon. And by then, he's, one, hungry, and two, hair-raisingly late.

"Oh, I am sooo late!" he said as he slurped down his instant ramen, which was very, very hot.

"Aaah! My tongue!"

He stopped eating his ramen.

He ran back up to dress. In a coat and tie. Which is scary.

_**--**_

Naruto: That was pretty short.

Me: I know. Like you.

Naruto: Shut up. And by the way, how could I have a family heirloom?

Me: I have no idea.

Naruto: WTH?! You wrote the script!!

--

**END.**

**REVIEW, PLEASE!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Note: I decided to just upload all of the chapters in bulk in case I forget to upload again._

_--_

_**Chapter 2: You're Engaged?!**_

--

Nothing was going to ruin the most important day of his life. Nothing. Er, well, except for the fact that he forgot his pants. I guess it was because he was so preoccupied. But, man, he ran out of the house in his underwear!

Okay, I won't say if it were boxers or briefs, just to spare you the thought. Plus, if I did, you'd be laughing so hard, I can't continue the story! Movin' on!

There must have a crowd of about eighty (and still growing) people following him, in the newest box-office movie: "Naruto's Bright Orange Undies…" Poor guy. I almost pity him. Almost. I mean, who would wanna see him in his underwear? And how many perverts can there be?!

Yep. Like I said, I almost pity him. Almost.

He must have noticed that there were people following him (finally!), because he turned around. And he just stared. They stared back. And one by one, they left. Except for one, Tenten. Time for the countdown!

"Five… four… three… two…one…."

"Aah! My pants!!"

Oh, jeez. What a surprise…

Feeling satisfied, she turned and walked away. Meanwhile, Naruto was running around screaming:

"You saw me in my underwear?!"

Stupid.

Okay, I know I should have warned him, but my eyes burned from the sight! To all of you who are still reading, that will explain why I wear glasses. To those who didn't know that, well, now you know.

Okay, enough about that! Hope you perverts are happy, and for those against it, hope you're still alive! Um, hello?

Now, on with the story!

Those bright blue eyes were searching for something. But she was nowhere in sight. I mean, bright flamingo pink hair _would_ stand out, even in a crowd this thick.

"I guess," he thought, "she didn't come…"

Sigh. _Now_ where is she?

Sigh. He decided to take a walk in the nearby woods. And then he saw her. She was running… towards someone else. And he kissed her. _Yuck._

"Curse you, Sasuke…"

So, he dragged himself home with a broken heart and an empty stomach. And speaking of food…

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot… Hinata-chan packed me some lunch…" He began to take the food out. He had planned to sit and eat lunch under the nearest tree. And then he remembered…

"Speaking of Hina-chan, where is she? I haven't seen her all day, maybe I should go look for her."

Then he paused.

"Maybe after I eat her special ramen, she'd be disappointed if I don't eat it…"

And so he did. He quickly (hungrily) wolfed it down.

--

He went over to the Hyuuga's...

"N-Naruto-kun, what's wrong?" she asked, her pale purple eyes looking shyly into his bright blue ones. She had seen his face, it was full of disappointment.

She handed him a bowl of her special ramen. She had hoped to replace that look on his face. Luck wasn't on her side.

"No, thanks. I already ate." He took out his little box. He flipped the latch and took out his ring... He stared at it, tears welling up in his eyes. She had never seen him that sad before.

"N-Na-Naruto-kun, I-I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he said in an unsure voice, a voice he hadn't used in years, "It's mine."

And with that, he took off. And all the while, he was saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." over and over.

--

"Naruto forgot something..." she thought. She picked it up. It was his ring.

"I should give it back to him..." She looked at the ring. It looked shiny and tempting. She did the one thing she knew she shouldn't do. She put it on.

She also did another thing she shouldn't do. She went outside.

And out came everyone she ever knew and met, exclaiming, "_You're engaged?!_"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three: I Do (Wanna Get Her Back)**_

_**--**_

Here's the sad part: Naruto's getting married, and he doesn't even know! I suspect he's enjoying free food with Chouji right about now.

"Thanks!" Naruto said.

"No problem! It's on the house!"

"Cool! I wonder what occasion it is..."

Chouji gave him a look of confusion.

"You don't know? You're getting married! Geez, what happened to you? Get conked on the head or something?" He slurped another, uh, chopstickful of noodles.

A smile spread across Naruto's face...

Meanwhile, Hinata was suffocating from all the people crowding her. She kept backing away, her face getting redder with each step. She stopped. Behind her was a wall.

Or, at least, it felt like a wall. Hinata's hands found what they were looking for. She pulled the handle, ran inside and locked the door, leaving the annoyingly curious townspeople outside. She sighed with relief. But she still needed to get out. She ran upstairs.

Well, she climbed out of the window and onto the rooftop. After a quick rest, she hurried to visit a friend of hers.

Machiyo (that's me) was in the middle of meditation when she heard a knock on her door. She cracked one eye open and yelled, "It's open!"

"Oh." Hinata went inside. The room was small, which was made even more crowded by all the clutter and junk. All of her books were open on the floor. Little voodoo dolls (plushies) were on her bed, on the walls, on the floor, on everything. Scattered just as much were little bars of chocolate. All those black candles didn't exactly help, either.

The curtains were drawn, so it was dark. Well, it would have. Machiyo was squatting in the center of the room, black candles, lit and unlit, surrounding her in a creepy fashion. Hinata backed away.

"Don't worry. All this is just to keep Naruto from poking into my stuff. He lives in the next building, you know." Machiyo opened the curtains, letting light flood in. She put out the candles, placing them in their drawers. She pulled out a low table, and stuffed all her dolls (the creepy ones, anyway) under the bed. The books flew up to their places on the shelf. The chocolate bars were left as they were. The room more or less looked human.

"So, what can I do you for?" she said as she pulled out a packet of needles and a Sakura doll.

"This." She showed her the ring. It was the cursed engagement ring. "Do you know how to take it off?"

Machiyo stared at the ring for a full ten seconds. "No."

"Y-you can't?" Hinata said.

"No. Try Fuji-chan. She might be able to break it with her mallet," she said with absolutely no emotion.

Hinata looked worried, and scared. She pulled her hand back. Machiyo saw this and chuckled. "I'm only kidding. I'm going to consult the all-powerful _internet._ There's nothing I can find about that in books. I'll call you when I find something," she reassured her. Hinata wasn't so reassured. But still, she left. Her fate just might be determined by a voodoo-using witch, and the _internet_.

(A/N: I almost never get to use the _internet_, and this is a little tribute to tell you how cool the _internet_ is. But of course you already know that, since you are reading _FanFiction_.)

Hinata quietly closed the door behind her. Machiyo turned her run-down computer on. It was going to take a few minutes. She grabbed a chocolate bar, and continued poking Sakura with a pin.

The only safe spot she could think of was the lot on the hill where Machiyo's house was supposed to be built. It was in the farthest part of town, right next to the forest where Naruto saw Sakura kiss Sasuke. The grass was cut where the house was going to be. Right beside it was a single, solitary tree. And a fine tree it was. It was nearing noon, and getting hotter with each passing minute. Hinata decided to sit in its shade.

Hinata was nodding off when a dying leaf broke off from its branch and landed on her nose. She sneezed. She looked up at the massive tree. Its vibrant green was slowly fading, and turning into shades of red, yellow and orange. Pretty soon, there'll be no leaves at all.

Then, all of a sudden, Hinata heard a voice. "I heard you were getting married," it said.

Hinata considered it for a second, then said, "Yeah, I am. I'm getting married in a week." After that was a long pause.

That long pause was finally interrupted by a loud ring from her phone. She answered the phone. "Hello, who is this?"

"Hinata, this is Machiyo. I found a way to remove it."

"You have?"

"Yeah. Come on over, pronto." She then hung up.

Hinata waved the tree goodbye. "Bye, tree. See you tomorrow." She then rushed over to meet Machiyo.

Meanwhile, Gaara was hanging on to a tree branch, watching Hinata run off to find out to remove the ring. The loud ring from her phone had startled him, leaving him dangling from the tree branch. Lucky all the leaves hid him from her. She now thinks she's been talking to a tree.

When Hinata was finally out of sight, he let go of the branch, landing on his feet. He had been secretly following her, and now was no exception. So, yeah, you could call him a stalker.

He was going to make sure Hinata doesn't marry that idiot.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer/Copyright thingy: I think I've forgotten to do this in my last few chapters, and I've recently been usin' 'em as if I owned them. Well, I don't. Masashi Kishimoto had tried to trade it for my pack of Skittles, though, and I refused him. I told him I'll think about it, and I never saw him again. I really wish I gave him the Skittles. The pack of Skittles right beside me is presently taunting me and telling me how stupid I am. I told him that if I gave him to Kishimoto, he would have been eaten sooner and that would be the end of it. Happy to say, he stayed quiet, like it should be. Like the fact that I don't own Naruto. _–gloom-_

Note: Some characters might act a bit OOC-ish, but that all depends on the reader. And "text" is someone talking and _text _is someone thinking.

--

_**Chapter Four: Two is a Couple, Three is a Love Triangle... And Four is Just Too Much**_

A low knock came from the door. "It's open!" I said, pretty sure it was Hinata.

(A/N: I will be writing in first person, as me.)

"Oh" was all she said as she closed the door behind her. She did not move an inch from the door, as there was not an inch of space left for her to sit on, anyway.

I did not look up from my old, run-down computer as I started to explain my findings in unnecessary detail.

"It took me a while to look for it, because, first-off, I didn't know what I was looking for. So I visited this website called _curses and witchcraft_—"

"Um," Hinata interrupted, "all I wanted to know was how to take it off."

"Oh. Okay." I was a bit disappointed about not being able to tell my story. "You can't take it off."

"_WHAT DO YOU _MEAN_ I CAN'T TAKE IT OFF?! I don't _want_ to get married yet!! I _like_ Naruto, but I'm not _ready_ for that kind of commitment!! I wished, no, I _hoped_ that you'd find a solution to all this and all you say is that we can't do anything about it?!" _She had calmed down a little and noticed I wasn't reacting. I was a little shocked, maybe _(Okay, _very_ shocked)_, but I remained steadfast. I waited for her to catch her breath, then I spoke up.

"I said _you _can't take it off. I never said _nobody else_ can. And the only—"

"So you mean you can take it off for me?" Hinata interrupted again, "I mean you being a witch and all, you've prob'ly found a spell or something that will take if off for me, right?"

"Please, let me finish. I'm sorry, but I can't do it. First of all, I am only an apprentice and I still can't do complex spells like that, if such spells even exist. The best spell I've performed so far is putting Naruto's pants on fire." I left that sentence hanging and continued.

"Second, that ring is enchanted with layered magic. Any attempt to take it off with any type of magic, expert or otherwise, will just cause it to explode, taking your hand with it.

"Third, and probably most important of all, only the person who truly loves you could take it off. But that doesn't—"

"So all I have to do is go to Naruto and get him to take it off, right? Thanks, Chiyo-chan. That was all I really needed." She quickly left the room and never gave me a chance to finish. I was starting to hate getting interrupted.

--

"Gaara, you can come out now." A voice said, announcing his presence.

"Oh_, crap,_" Gaara muttered under his breath. He poked his head through the window and climbed in.

(A/N: I wanted to use the s-word, but I remembered this was rated k+ and I had to watch my language. I'm too lazy to change the rating to T, anyway.)

"I heard the leaves rustle. There was no wind. And I could have recognized your hair a mile away," the girl replied.

"So, you're wearing your contacts."

"Yep."

(A/N: Remember that I told you that I had really bad eyes? I don't really own contacts, because it's high maintenance and stuff, but let's just pretend I do. [EDIT] I have contacts now, I just don't use them much.)

"Well?" Gaara was expectant.

"Well what?"

"What was it you were saying before Hinata interrupted?"

"Oh, that." she suddenly remembered that about grumbling about people always interrupting in the middle of my sentences.

"So, what was it?"

"I was about to say that Naruto might not be able to take it off, I wasn't really sure about how I was going to say it but now that I think of it, I think it was a good thing, that... Hinata... interrupted..." she had turned around and realized that he had already left while she was talking. Nobody ever listens to her anymore.

--

"Um, N-naruto-kun, c-could you, um... Could you do something for m-me?" Hinata stuttered, fumbling with her words.

"Sure, Hinata. What do you want me to do?" He showed her his signature smile, and it was very hard for her not to blush. After a brief argument with her emotions (In her mind, mind you... Hehe... mind...yeah... it's corny... yeah...heh), she showed him the ring.

"Hinata! You found my ring! I've been looking for it everywhere! It's a good thing you put it on your finger, because if you put it in the box, it might have gotten lost again I think that box is cursed I keep losing the ring in that box and when I took it out I never lost the ring not even once which reminds me have you seen my wallet?" Naruto was talking nonstop and Hinata was getting very, very confused. Hinata was about to faint when Naruto started to pull on the ring.

"It won't come off!" he yelled. He had already pulled out a kunai when Kiba popped up and stopped him from accidentally cutting Hinata's finger off.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?!" Kiba shouted.

(A/N: OMG, how could I forget Kiba?! But now that I put Kiba in, he loves her too, and now he could take it off! Yikes! This is _not _what I wanted to happen! What do I do?! Help, _help_,_ HELP!!_)

"I was _trying_ to get my ring back," Naruto grumbled.

"What ring?" He turned to Hinata, who was on the verge of tears, and saw her hand. "Naruto! Y-you cut her finger! I don't care if you're going to marry her, you can't do that! You hurt her again, I swear I'll kill you and make sure every last second is painful. I'll personally make sure you end up in hell. I'll, I'll..." he saw Hinata, who was already breaking down. He glared at Naruto. And with that, he walked Hinata home, reassuring her, and holding her close. Meanwhile, Naruto was just standing there, looking very confused.

--

"Hinata, why'd you say yes to his proposal in the first place?" Kiba asked.

"I, uh, um... Well, the... um, he..." she started, looking for the right words.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he assured her.

"Thanks Kiba. Maybe next time." She felt herself wanting to blurt everything out. She trusted Kiba. Why shouldn't she tell him?

(A/N: _Gyaaaah!!_ Major KibaHina going on! Must stick to the plot, must stick to the plot, must stick to the plot...)

_--_

_Great, _another_ bastard who wants Hinata, _Gaara thought. He followed them closely, staying hidden. It wasn't really all that hard, as they were walking through town on a Sunday.

(A/N: I don't really think _bastard_'s a bad word, is it? If I change it, it would sound really different, and I can't think of anything else.)

Kiba dropped her off in front of the Hyuuga compound. Kiba wanted to accompany her inside, but she refused. The two parted ways and Gaara stayed in front of the compound, waiting for her to come out. He had almost fallen asleep (_almost_, whew) when he saw Hinata sneaking out.

He followed her and immediately found out where she was headed. He took a shortcut (For someone from Suna, he sure knows his way around Konoha...) and found himself in the open lot on the hill with the tree. He immediately climbed it, and just seconds later, Hinata popped out. She looked around uneasily, and approached the tree cautiously.

"He couldn't remove your ring," the tree said. (I'll call Gaara "the tree".)

Immediately Hinata sat down and started telling the tree everything that happened since she put the ring on. The tree listened quietly and when she was finished, he spoke up.

"Well then, I guess he doesn't love you."

"What?" Hinata looked at the tree. "What do you mean? Does he hate me?"

"I never said that. I said he doesn't love you."

"So no one can take it off?" with that thought, she buried her hands in her face and resumed crying.

"There may be someone else who loves you..." the tree/Gaara said, referring to himself. But how would she know that if she's never even seen him?

"You mean Kiba?" Hinata lifted her head once more. The tree remained silent. _Crap! I forgot about him! _Gaara thought, mentally kicking himself.

"_So, Kiba-kun can take it off for me..._" Hinata whispered, almost to herself. She quickly stood up. "Thank you, tree," she said. And she was gone.

--

Gaara: This wasn't in the script.

Me: I was improvising. Naruto pulled that kunai out of nowhere!

Naruto: Hey! _You _made me do it! _You're _making this story!

Me: Well, I guess we're going to add another chapter.

Gaara: I get paid extra.

Me: _What?! _Even _I _don't get paid! How can you expect me to pay you when I'm broke?

Gaara: -walks away- You are? Well, then. I'm quitting this story. I'm sure there are a lot of other authors willing to pay me a fair sum... Your story sucks, anyway.

Me: Well then, I guess Kiba's going to get Hinata.

Gaara: -turn around- _What?!_

Me: I repeat: Kiba's going to get Hinata.

Kiba: I will?

Me: Yes, you will. Unless _Gaara _here agrees to finish this story...

Gaara: ...

Naruto: Hey, Chiyo, do you still have that pack of Skittles?

Me: No, I ate it. Why do you want my Skittles, anyway?

Naruto: Nothing, just hungry, I guess.

Me: ...

Naruto: Why'd you change the title?

Me: It was supposed to be is _Two is a Couple, Three is a Love Triangle..._, but then Kiba appears out of nowhere so I had to change it. So, basically, the story's now a KibaNaruHinaGaa. Or maybe it's a NaruKibaHinaGaa. Whatever. –turns to Gaara- So, are you going to do it or not?

Gaara: Fine, you can pay me on installment.

Me: Whatever. Review!


	5. Chapter 5

Anyway, this is an extra chapter I added 'cause Kiba's suddenly made his way into the picture and now I can get Gaara to stay in my story for free. Plus, this extra chapter will get Gaara and Hinata closer—

Gaara: You were supposed to pay on _installment_.

Me: Whatever.

Gaara: You told the readers I'll be doing this for free.

Me: I'll pay you next month. I'm saving for this new Pendragon book, it's just been released. _Please, _I beg of you!

Gaara: Take Kiba out of the story.

Me: _What?! _I can't do that. He's already in it.

Gaara: -scowls- If you pay next month, my salary will double.

Me: Whatever. As long as I get my Pendragon.

Naruto: Hey! Aren't we supposed to do a story here?!

Me: Oh, yeah. Disclaimer first.

Disclaimer/Copyright thingy: What you just read right there is proof that I don't own Naruto. In fact, they sort of own _me_.

Note: Again, some characters may appear out of character, but that still depends on the reader. "Text" someone talking; _text_ someone thinking.

--

_**Chapter Five: Ever So Confused**_

"Okay, just to be clear, I'm going to be marrying_ Hinata_, and not _Sakura_?" Naruto probed.

"For the millionth time, _yes_. You're marrying Hinata," I answered, looking at him in utter disbelief. No, not by the fact that he does not know of his own wedding, but because for the umpteenth time, he still doesn't get it. In a word, he's stupid. But in the end, you can't _really_ stay mad at him. It's weird. Everyone he's ever met and ever gotten to know become his friends. It must be some sort of spell he puts on you. Something about him makes you wanna place your bets on him.

"So, _how_ did this happen again?" he asked, interrupting my train of thought. Remember me saying something about placing your bets on him? Yeah, well, after that, you'll end up wanting to choke him.

I sighed and left him without a word.

--

Shikamaru was lying down in the cool shade of the tree, watching clouds roll by, as usual. The morning sunrise wasn't much of anything to note, but what happened right after that was spectacular.

A pale yellow sun peeked out from the horizon, gray clouds covering the view. When it had finally gone, the sun had gone quite a way up. From its position, though, Shikamaru guessed it was about nine. Just then, an even bigger cloud (it seemed to look like a lion) started to engulf the sun. It was an amazing sight. Shikamaru just lay there, immersing himself with the beautiful, picture-perfect scene. He then suddenly found himself being pulled back into the real world.

"Shikamaru? It was you?" Hinata queried. Those pale eyes, a distinguished mark of the Hyuuga clan, bore into him like drills, yet hers had a softness that revealed her sensitivity and passion. Her father called it weakness.

"Huh?" He had forgotten what was going on.

"You. The voice. In the tree." she replied, making even less sense.

"Huh?" was all he could say. His vocabulary had turned up blank.

"Were you the one who's been talking to me all this time?"

"Yeah. It's me." He answered, thinking she was talking about right now.

"Oh. Okay then. See you later."

"Yeah. Sure." He looked back up to watch the lion eat the sun, but it was gone.

--

_So it was Shikamaru all along? Well, he _is_ very smart. And he knows me and Kiba are good friends... Yeah, it must be Shikamaru, _Hinata thought. The more she thought of it, the more she accepted it.

She had planned to go visit Kiba today and tell him everything. _I'll ask him to remove the ring and if it comes off, then, well... I'll have to break my engagement with Naruto, and then... _she stopped herself. She is _not _going to get involved with that kind of commitment anytime soon. No way. She quickened her pace and trudged on.

--

_This was _not _what I planned! _Gaara thought.

Inside his head, another part of him retorted, _And what exactly _was _your plan?_

Gaara thought for a moment. _I don't know, but it does _not_ involve this! _

Gaara's alter-ego asked him if he really wanted Hinata.

_Of course I do, but—_

_Then go tell her! Idiot! That's what _she's_ doing with Kiba, isn't it? The thing is that you've got to do it before _she_ does._

_But what if—_

_But what?_

_Oh, never mind. You already know, anyway. I mean, you _are_ a part of me._

_Tell me! _Gaara's alter-ego was getting pretty annoying.

_You know, I feel pretty stupid arguing with myself_, Gaara snapped.

_Oh. _Gaara's conscience silently turned around and returned to the back of his head.

--

Hinata stood for a moment in front of Kiba's house to mentally rehearse her speech. When she was felt she was ready, she knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

When she heard footsteps approaching the door, someone suddenly grabbed her arm and whisked her away.

Kiba opened the door, only to find no one there.

--

"Ow! That hurt!" Hinata said, rubbing her arm. She looked up to see a stunning hot red-head (A/N: I couldn't stop myself!) staring at her— about three inches from her face. She turned red as a tomato and started babbling incoherently.

"I, uh, the... um, the... I mean, I...the shawry... bla-blah...?" she blathered.

"What?" he said, and Hinata was starting to repeat her gibberish when he clamped his hand over her mouth. "Shush. Listen to me, because I'm only repeating this once," he ordered, and in a whisper, he said, "I was that voice in the tree." Behind Gaara's hand, Hinata voiced a sound of confusion. "It was me! No, really. I like you Hinata. I like you a lot. No, not just like, I _love_ you Hinata." Hinata turned another shade redder, but she shook her head, as if she couldn't believe it. Gaara kept talking. "I— I can remove your ring for you, see?" He let go of her mouth and started tugging on the ring. Strangely enough, it slipped off easily. Hinata could not believe her eyes. Then Gaara started looking for something in his pocket, and pulled out a small box. He got Hinata to her feet and knelt in front of her.

"Hinata, will you marry me?"

--

Gaara: Wow, that sucked.

Me: Well, I was under pressure because I have a ton of homework that I'm supposed to pass the next day and I haven't started yet because of this story because I really wanna make up for the three months I spent not updating so those people who reviewed me won't get disappointed because I really liked their reviews—

Gaara: Okay, I get it. –walks away-

Me: Hey, the chapter's not finished yet!

Gaara: -turns around- It's not?

Me: Yeah, you have to kiss Hinata first.

Gaara: -turns red- I will?

Me: Not if we don't finish this chapter!

--

Hinata stared at the ring for what seemed to Gaara an eternity. Then she screamed.

"Gaara! I don't _want_ to get married yet! I'm not _ready_ for this kind of thing! I don't _know_ you that well! It's just... I just..." Hinata just sat down and cried.

Gaara moved closer and kissed her on the forehead. He took her hand and placed something in it. He quickly closed her fingers around it and whispered in her ear, "Just think about it, 'kay?"

--

Gaara: Okay, now you're just leaving them with a cliffhanger. And why'd I kiss Hinata on the _forehead_?!

Me: Hey, you're not that close yet. And I am leaving them with a cliffhanger because I wanna keep them in _suspense_.

Gaara: You've just gotten another writer's block, haven't you?

Me: I have _not_! I know what'll happen in the next chapter. Which reminds me, I'm changing the script.

Gaara: That'll cost you extra.

Oh yeah, guess what? I got to read chapter four of _Crossdressing _by_ Blue Romance_, in advance, and I just wanted to brag, even though by the time you've read this, she might've already published it. _Bwahahahaha!_

P.S. Fuji's been nagging me to continue Memories of Heaven, so expect me to publish it sometime next, next, next week. Or the week after that.

Well, that's all. I _really_ have to catch up on my homework, and distracting myself won't help. Anyway, review!

I realized that the marriage thing is uber sudden.

Before I was _that_ addicted to Naruto, I didn't know that shipuuden (sp?) existed, so I didn't know Gaara was the Kazekage (Heck, I didn't even _know_ what a "kazekage" is!). Now I know, and I have an extra chapter to keep the plot going! WOOT! I don't know what that means, but I feel GOOD! WOOT!

Gaara: -skippity-skips- Happy, happy, happy...

Me: O.o

Gaara: What? Another chapter means I get more money! -rubs his hands together-

Me: Mukhang-pera ka talaga. (That's Tagalog for "money-lover" or something like that.)

Gaara: -feeling tough- You cussin' me? Huh? Huh?-poking me in the ribs repeatedly-

Me: Ow. That'll bruise.

Gaara: -goes back to going skippity-skip- Money, money, money... Happy, happy, happy—

Sasuke: She's broke. -Gaara mopes in a dark corner- Chiyo does not own Naruto.

Me: O.o Sasuke said my disclaimer for me without me asking him to. -turns to Sasuke- Okay, what do you want?

Sasuke: -shifty eyes- ...uh... nothing... just being nice... What's wrong with that?

Me: O.o I don't believe you. Oh well. Thanks Sasuke! -chibi glomps Sasuke-

Naruto: -walks in, hands Sasuke a thick wad of cash, walks away-

Me: So, you bet if you were nice to someone, Naruto pays you? And what if he wins?

Sasuke: A lifetime supply of ramen.

Me: Ah, I should've known. D'ya think it'll work with me?

Sasuke: Eh. Maybe.

- to be continued... oh, and Note: If some characters may act OOC-ish to you, that's your problem. It all depends on the reader.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6: Marry me?**_

Temari slams her palms down on what was supposed to be Tsunade's desk. "The Kazekage is missing," she exclaimed, almost out of breath. Tsunade pushed away the pile of ceiling-high overdue papers in front of her that she said she'd "look into". The whole thing fell in a heap, but at least she could see her face.

"What?" she said, her head bent over another stupid file. "As you can see, I have a lot on my hands right now. So if this one of those—"

"The Kazekage... is... missing..." the younger kunoichi repeated, in between breaths.

Tsunade immediately looked up. "How long?"

"Two weeks."

"Eh, he can handle himself." Tsunade turned back to her paper. "He is the Kazekage."

Temari slams her palms on the Hokage's table. "He's still my little brother!"

--

Hinata was pacing absentmindedly through the Hyuuga compound. Once or twice she bumps into someone. She'd politely say "sorry", then resume her troubled walk. She was still thinking about Gaara's proposal. It was all so sudden, but then, it seems that everywhere she turned, there was some sort of surprise waiting to, er, surprise her...yeah. Like right now.

Hinata screamed.

--

_The usual Ino gossip..._

"Did you hear? Hinata's getting married!"

"Yeah, yeah. We know. It's been all over town." Sakura waved her off, thinking of her own engagement with Sasuke.

_... is out of date..._

"Oh, right... Well, did you know who?"

"Naruto."

"Wrong!"

_...and is picking up again._

Sakura turned to look at Ino, a look of interest on her face. "Spill."

--

"Ne-neji-san! D-don't do that!" Hinata was surprised at herself for telling her own cousin off. Neji immediately noticed, and she instinctively bowed her head, murmuring an inaudible apology. Neji just shrugged and started tugging at her arm. Hinata followed, not finding the strength to pull away from him.

Neji took her to the back of the Hyuuga compound, where Gaara was standing, and, apparently, looking at something else. For a second, Hinata was a bit disappointed that he wasn't there to see her. She slapped herself for even thinking of such a thing. Hinata felt her heart skip a beat, though, when Gaara turned in her direction, and smiled.

_But okay, _this_ is just overdoing it, _Hinata thought, as Gaara knelt in front of her and clasped his hands around hers. He looked up at her with puppy-dog eyes. All the romance in that one sweet Gaara smile had just melted away as he said, "Marry me, please?"

Neji scoffed.

Hinata laughed.

And Gaara, just, well, he didn't know what to do. He may have been the Kazekage, but in this line of business, he was utterly clueless. Gaara was used to having girls chase _him_. Now _he_ was doing the chasing, and he has no idea of how to win a girl over. Gaara had to find someone to teach him how.

Gaara left Hinata and Neji to go look for Naruto.

Hinata was still laughing, though she didn't know why.

--

Naruto's face was stuffed full of ramen. He turned to see Gaara, and he swallowed it in one gulp. Gaara wondered why he didn't choke. "Yes?"

"I need you to help me."

"With what? You need me to bring down a sand baddie? I can deal with that." He looked at his half-eaten bowl of ramen. He finished it in another impossible gulp before standing up.

Gaara looked at him, and his ears turned slightly pink as he said in a whisper, "No, not that. I... I need you to help me get Hinata to like me."

Naruto just gave him a blank stare. He turned toward the girl behind him. "I thought _I_ was marrying Hinata?"

The girl just shrugged and slurped down the last drop. She sighed and stood up to explain the newest twist in his so-called engagement. This was going to take a while...

--

"I've sent the ANBU out on a search-and —if needed— rescue mission. They shall report as soon as they've found Gaara." Even as Tsunade said this, there was a knock on her door.

"Come in!"

A guy in a mask entered the room. His white hair was smoothed back and tied in a high ponytail. He approached her and whispered something in her ear. Tsunade turned a slight shade of pink and whispered something back. There were giggles and more whispers. Temari just stood there and her face was like this: O.o. She cleared her throat, "Ahem..."

Tsunade shooed the man away and turned toward the younger kunoichi. "Ji— I mean, I was informed that you little brother was spotted at Ichiraku's. He's with Naruto and some other nin-girl. See? No worries." Tsunade saw Temari's face and added, "If it makes you feel better, I've dispatched a few ANBU shinobi to keep an eye on him."

--

"Get it?"

Naruto nodded slowly. "Yeah, so you mean I'm still single?" I could only nod. "All right! I'm still SINGLE!!" he shouted to no one in particular. No sooner had he said that when a low rumble sounded and shook the ground.

"NARUTO-KUN!!" A mob of Naruto's fangirls were approaching, and fast. They would run down anything in their path, and me and Gaara were definitely in the way. It was then that a couple of weirdo ninja-dudes in masks swooped in and pulled us off the ground and onto the roof, where it was safe.

They picked Gaara like they would a kitten, and whisked him away in the direction of he hokage's office.

As for me? That stupid Naruto followed me to the roof, and I ran for my life.

--

Hiashi just nodded at whatever the boy proposed. If Hinata married him, then she will no longer be a Hyuuga, and Hanabi will be heir. He had a good family background...

Yes, he shall marry Hinata. "Yes, you shall marry Hinata."


	7. Chapter 7

Dislaimer: I do NOT own Naruto.

_**Chapter Seven, I think. Three Days.**_

'Three days…' Temari's words rung constantly in his head as he paced around the now leafless tree. His shoes sank into the snow, and the trail now revealed a hint of brown dirt. The grass had long been gone, in order to make way for the foundation to start the construction of a new house.

He started climbing the tree. He dug his fingers into the bark, his toes searching for footholds. He swung himself up once he'd grabbed the nearest branch. Leaning his back on the trunk, he looked out at Konoha. The buildings looked cleaner in the snow. The sight was breathtaking. He sighed. Three days…

"_Gaara, I was soooo worried!" Temari exclaimed. She hugged him, and he was turning blue. _

"_Where's Kankuro?" he gasped, when she finally let go and the giggling stopped._

"_Aw, he's on a date. Well, you can't pass a chance like that. Who _knows_ when he'll get another date?" _

"_He's only got a date since _I'm_ the Kazekage."_

"_Exactly! Ever since you became the Kazekage, _girls_ have started _flirting_ with him! But well, when you disappeared, so did they…"_

_Tsunade was watching with obvious interest. And so were the ANBU beside her, behind their masks. Yes, deep inside, they were laughing. They were laughing outside, too, but you just can't tell._

"_Hey, Gaara, are you still listening to me?"_

_Gaara faced her, a cookie in his mouth. "Hm?" He pushed a bag of cookies in her arms. "Wan' sum?"_

"_We're going home in three days." Temari's face was emotionless. Gaara dropped the cookies. _

He sighed. Three days. How can he convince Hinata to marry him in just three days?

--

_Two days before going home to Suna…_

Boy, was Hinata in for a surprise. She woke up to find a box of cookies on her lap. She wondered why Gaara (she found the tag) would give her _cookies_. Aren't suitors supposed to send chocolates? She opened the box to find a single red rose, and of course, cookies.

She giggled to herself. Gaara was totally clueless… but at the same time, absolutely sweet. She put the rose in a vase, pulled out a carton of milk from the fridge, and started eating.

But she still wasn't convinced.

--

_One day before going home to Suna…_

There was no box of cookies this time. Hinata snuck out of her room like an escaping convict. In truth, she felt as if she _were_ trying to escape. She was trying to escape commitment.

She was jumpy during breakfast, her eyes were shifty, and she hasn't touched the food at all. During their mission, Hinata actually fell asleep. That long sleepless night of worrying got to her, and she was cranky when she woke up.

She opens her eyes suddenly if you do so much as touch her, then she starts yelling curses and waving her fist in the air.

And then she falls asleep again.

--

When she woke up (again), she saw a blurry figure hovering above her. Thinking he was the person who woke her up (she was still cranky), she started to mutter curses which children should not hear. Her vision sharpened and the figure turned out to be Hyuuga Hiashi. OUCH.

(A/N: I shall not write who said what because it won't confuse you and make it fun. Better read carefully. WARNING: OOC-ish-ness up ahead.)

"You shall marry Gaara."

"What?"

"You shall marry Gaara."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why so?"

"What?"

"Marry Gaara."

"Good."

"HEY!"

"Ha! I win!"

"What?!"

"Marry Gaara."

"Yep."

"So you accept?"

"NO!"

"No?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Yes?"

"No."

"Okay, you make no sense."

"Huh?"

"Yes?"

"No."

"Yes?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Dangit."

"HEY HINATA! YOU WANT TO GO TO ICHIRAKU'S WITH ME LATER?"

"N-naruto-kun…"

"Do you wanna come?"

"Marry Gaara?"

"Yeah."

"Yay!"

"What?"

"Yay!"

"No!"

"So you don't wanna come?"

"Yes, I-I mean, I wanna come… N-naruto-kun… But I _don't_" person casts an angry glare at the other guy who's convincing this person to marry Gaara, "want to marry Gaara."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too young to marry."

"Of course you can marry at this age! Your aunt was married at twelve!"

"She was?"

"Yeah."

"Why can't _Neji_ marry? Aren't you planning to adopt him?"

"Neji can't marry Gaara."

"Eew." (Eew. Yaoi is funny when cracked, but when they're serious, _eew_. [edit: Wow, I've changed. I like yaoi.])

"Exactly."

"No, I was talking about Neji marrying a _girl_."

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because Gaara'a a _Kazekage_. He's stinkin' rich!"

"You want me to marry him because he's rich?"

"Yeah…"

"Then all the more reason to not marry Gaara."

--

End of chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Now, where were we? Oh, yes. This chappie is dedicated to Hotari-chan, who gave me my first review. Also for diff-r-ent-1, who wanted Hinata to kick Sakura's . This is a little crack and crazy chapter just to break out of the cruel hard logic that is reality.

At least reality in _my_ point of view.

Here, Gaara might _never_ get Hinata. He is _absolutely_ clueless. Hinata is hard to convince, unlike in other stories where you give her a rose and she swoons. No, this is a different Hinata, so we shall break the rules, and I shall HELP GAARA!

_**Chapter Eight: Chiyo plays Cupid**_

"Looks like you need a love potion."

"Huh?" Gaara turned around only to see… me. SURPRISE! His eyes widened as his hands latched onto my shoulders and shook me like a rag doll, "Where can I get some?"

My eyes were still rolling in their sockets when he let go. I took a moment to steady myself, then cleared my throat. "From me, of course," I said. "But it'll cost ya."

"How much?"

(A/N: I'll be using Philippine currency here.)

"Ten thousand." [EDIT: You know what? I should have asked for more.]

"_WHAT?! That much for a LOVE POTION?!_"

"Of course. We're messing with human emotions here. They are the most complex aspect of the human being." Gaara stared blankly. I sighed. "It's what makes us different from robots."

"Ohhh… What are 'robots'?" Oh, yeah. Konoha reality check: No such thing as robots.

"Riiiight… Plus, I'm the only potion-maker here. I may raise prices as much as I wish, since I have no competition. It's called a monopoly."

"Suuuuurrrrrre… Can't I get a discount?"

"Okay. Slash off a thousand."

"Nine grand is still a big amount…" he argued.

"Are you pulling my leg, or are you just ruining my business? You're the kazekage. You're stinkin' rich!"

"Temari holds the funds."

--

_After a visit to the bank…_

"…seven, eight, nine. There. Now, where is it?"

"It's in my room."

--

Gaara shivered when he entered the room.

"It's cold in here," he reasoned.

"Right. You go wait over there." I pointed to the bed, farthest away from the door. Should've bin easy enough… If I ever cleaned my room.

He stepped cautiously, cringing whenever he stepped on something. Which was a lot. Meanwhile, I was digging in the cupboard for a reeeaaaaally tiny vial.

"Aha." It was in the farthest corner of the shelf, right behind the talc powder. Gaara was on the bed, huddled in the middle, hugging his legs.

"What? My room isn't _that_ scary, is it?"

"I found your dolls…"

"Yeah, so what if I play with dolls? You brother does, too."

"They're _puppets_," he corrected, "and I found… this." He held up a voodoo doll of him, covered with pins.

"Oh, that's my pincushion, silly."

"Uh-huh?"

"Here." I handed him the potion. "Two drops in one cup of water. Any more and—"

"Yeah, yeah. Two drops. Sure."

"But—" Gaara already left.

--

Gaara bought a box of pizza and a bottle of hot sauce. He emptied the whole thing on the pizza.

He took out a jug of water and the tiny little glass vial that held the love potion. He got a dropper and put in a drop of the potion. He watched as the purple stuff swirled until it disappeared.

'Hmmm…' he thought, 'I'm pretty sure this jug is more than one cup… Maybe about ten…? So… if we put in two drops for a cup of water, then I should pour in twenty!' He added nineteen more drops.

'It still doesn't feel right… Maybe I should add more.' He added one drop after another, feeling "discontented" the whole time… until the whole bottle was empty.

"Oops."

--

"Who wants pizza?" Gaara announced, disguised as a pizza boy.

"We didn't order any pizza."

"Uh, Akamaru did."

"Bark! (No I didn't!)"

"It's free!"

Everybody's ears pricked up at the statement. Even Shino. But hey, who would wanna pass up free food?

Kiba took two slices and gave the other to Akamaru, Shino took one, and Hinata gobbled up three.

Gaara waited for the fun to start.

…three…

…two…

…one…

"_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! IT'S HOT! IT'S HOT! __**IT'S HOT!!**_" Kiba screamed, running around. Akamaru followed suit. Shino turned red. That was it.

As for Hinata, she had gone a reeeaaaaally bright red and smoke was coming out of her ears.

Gaara immediately took out the jug and poured Hinata a glass. Kiba snatched it and drank. Gaara handed Hinata another. This time, Shino took it. Both fell asleep instantly.

Gaara gave Hinata another. She took the jug itself, instead and drank it all. She too, fell asleep.

Gaara took in a large breath, and shouted as loud as he could, "_HEEELLLLLLLLPPPPP! THEY ALL FAINTED!!_"

--

They were immediately sent to the hospital. Hinata had a room all to herself, while Kiba and Shino had another one next to it. Gaara never left her side, at least until Sakura told him visiting hours were over.

"I don't think there's really a problem with them. Hinata faints all the time. The only thing wrong with them are their tongues. They're burnt, but it's nothing to be worried about. But maybe we should just keep them here for the night. You know."

"Sure." He'll just get back real early and wake her up tomorrow. No biggie.

--

_The next day… which also happens to be Gaara's last day in Konoha… Heh, sounds like he's dying or something…_

"Kiba-kun, I LOVE YOU!" The shout was heard al throughout Konoha. Sure, that was uncommon (Kiba, after all, is still an attractive guy)…

…unless the voice was a guy's…!

"Kiba-kun, wake up!" she, er, _he_ squealed, shaking him awake.

"Five more minutes," he croaked. He turned around and went back to sleep.

When he woke up, the first person he saw was Shino.

You know what happens.

--

Sakura was the first person she saw.

-_end of chapter_

Nah, just messing with ya. You really think I'd leave you a cliffhanger?! No siree. This happens to be the longest chappie I've ever written in the history of my run-down computer. But since I've kept you on your seat long enough, you may take a break. Go to the bathroom, get a few snacks, you know. Don't worry, I'll still be here when you get back.

Well, unless you have a lil' sib that'll tinker with your computer, but nah. Not likely.

--

Okay, welcome back! But before we start, here's a little warning to you all, since I'm just too lazy to change the rating:

To you Sakura-lovers, stay away! I do not recommend you reading this! To brave souls, then go ahead. But don't worry, I'll leave her alive.

To be safe, I wasn't very descriptive with the fight (also partially because I don't remember the names of their jutsus).

Oh, to you little kids and other people who despise yaoi, I'm sorry. Couldn't help it. BUT this is a funny kind of yaoi, not like that gross serious stuff, so take it lightly.

That is all.

--

Kiba and Shino were in love. Yep. You must have known this by now, but seeing it flat out in front of your computer is still very shocking. I can imagine you readers blinking in disbelief. I can also imagine you running around screaming. Some of you are just eating popcorn (or whatever snack you snatched during your break) absentmindedly reading me go on and on about you reading this and reacting. I also see some of you shouting, "Yes! A KibaShino pairing!" Yep. Well except for that last part.

Kiba and Shino never left each other's side the whole day. They took Akamaru to walks, went out for lunch, flirted (eewwww…) and stuff. It was hard to tell which was the dominant guy in their (eww…) relationship.

The two went out for dinner and a late night "activity". They left Akamaru at home (very rare). Akamaru whined. Kiba shook his head. "You can't come." Shino nodded and smiled. And so they closed the door and locked him inside.

--

You perverts! This is a k+ rated story, for Pete (who's Pete?)'s sake! That late night "activity" was a movie! They can't bring Akamaru because dogs weren't allowed! Sheesh!

Perverts!

**--**

"_Watch Hinata beat the __**stuffing**__ out of Sakura_! Or vice versa. _Get your tickets here!_" I shouted as I took in cash and gave out tickets.

The "arena" was the training grounds, while my so-called ticket booth was a tree with a hollow. People were in a frenzy, shoving each otherto get to the front.

Godaime Hokage was in a shorter but more orderly line in front of another tree shouting, "Place your bets here! Who will win, Hinata or Sakura?" No wait. That's Fuji-chan in another hollow tree.

"How much do you bet?"

"Fifty."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, who do you bet on?"

"Hmmmm…" she looked at the odds. "Sakura."

"You _do_ know you're a bad gambler, right?" Does she _want _us to lose profit?! Wait, there's that mischievous look in her eyes…

"No I'm not! I'll win this time! Two hundred pesos instead, on Hinata!!"

"Whatever you say…" Fuji said, and gave back her a ballot-thingy's dropped it in a small box labeled "Hinata".

The next people in line saw Tsunade-sama bet on Hinata. Knowing she was a bad gambler, they bet a huge sum (thousands, in fact) on Sakura, instead.

--

Hinata was mad. And where else to vent out her anger than at the training grounds? And who else to vent her anger _to _than at Sakura? It was perfect.

Naruto and his fangirls took up most of the space. It was an absolutely hot day to boot. PLUS it was one in the afternoon. With all the cheering and screaming, it was suffocating.

Sakura couldn't hurt a friend (except for Naruto, but that doesn't count) albeit one like Hinata. Even if she's only known her a while, and while they can't be considered the closest of friends, she still was, and can't hurt her.

Hinata would never hurt a fly (imagine seeing Shino squished under your boot). She was a sensitive and caring person, even if she freaks out every so often about marriage. But hey, she's only sixteen. Who _wouldn't _freak out about marriage at that age?!

No, not today. Today, she was on a _roll_.

It was all Sakura could do to dodge her attacks. It wasn't just her fists, there were her jutsus. Hinata it seemed had limitless energy about her. There was no sign of her getting tired or letting up.

Sakura however was panting. Dodging attacks seemed to be a lot harder than she thought.

The flurry of attacks Hinata threw at her were tiring her, and she couldn't heal herself properly because she was too busy evading Hinata. Hinata is just so cool, isn't she?

"Go Hinata! You can beat her!! Right, Shino-kun?" Kiba playfully pulled down his hood. Shino giggled (O.o). Then they stopped. They looked at each other (their faces were almost touching), and screamed.

"_NYAAAAAAAH_! Aw, that was _gross_!" Kiba said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Shino put his hood back on and cleared his throat. "Nothing happened," he said.

They went back to cheering Hinata.

--

After thirty minutes, Hinata stood over Sakura in victory. Sounds painful.

Tsunade-sama went to the betting booth and claimed her money. But compared to the money we made, her win didn't seem so big of a loss. Those who bet on Sakura had to go home and explain to their wives about how some con artists tricked them into giving their money. Of course, they wouldn't believe them, and then it'll be nag, nag, nag. It'll be a long night for them.

Gaara asked for a refund. "I wanna refund."

"Nuh-uh! No refunds!

"But your potion backfired!"

"It worked perfectly! You saw Shino and Kiba. You gotta admit, that was funny."

"Yeah, it was. It was still kinda creepy though."

"See?"

"Well, what about Hinata?"

"Overdose."

"Well you didn't tell me!"

"I was _trying_ to tell you!"

"Oh."

"Exactly."

"But how come it worked with Shino and Kiba? I poured the whole bottle into the jug. Isn't it overdosed?"

"How big was the jug?"

"This big." He showed me.

"Ah. I see. That jug can hold about fifteen cups. That bottle was good for thirty drops. So it's balanced."

"But what about Hinata?"

"She drank too much."

"Oh."

"By the way, pay up."

"For what?"

"Watching."

He took out a hundred peso bill and handed it over. Fuji whispered something in my ear.

"Great idea!"

"What's great?"

"Her idea. Now pay up. My talent fee's nine hundred."

He took out more bills.

"_Her_ talent fee's a thousand pesos."

"But what did _she_ do for _me_?"

"Aw, will ya quit whinin'? It's always about _me_, _me_, _me_!" Then I started yammering on and on about Gaara being selfish and us being "good friends"… and I realized I was talking to no one.

He was handing the money over to Fuji-chan.

When Sakura came to, Hinata came after her and Fuji-chan followed with a mallet.

"I have a question, though." Gaara approached me.

"What?"

"Shouldn't it have worn off by now?"

"It did. Twenty minutes ago."

"What? Then—"

"Must have been in her all along. Just never noticed."

"Probably."

"Yep."

"But you _do_ know that we still have to make Hinata fall in love with me, right?"

"Yeah." I stuck out my foot and Hinata tripped. Last thing she saw before going out cold were stars.

"Gaara! There you are! We have to go!" Temari yelled. "Kankuro's being mobbed by your fangirls!"

"Yeah, I'm coming. But hey, can I bring a friend? I want her to take a tour of Suna."

"Yeah, sure. C'mon! Suna is two days away!"

--

Fujiwara found a pizza box lying beside a tree. She opened it and found two slices inside. She ate one and left the other one for the squirrels.

"Spicy, just the way I like it."

--

Anyway, I'm leaving you with a cliffhanger. Again. Oops!

I dunno, I never meant for my character in Naruto to act this way, it seems I'm a smarty-pants no one listens to. But at least Fuji-chan listens to me…

Right Fuji-chan?

Fuji: -listening on a brand-new iPod- Yes?

_Right,_ Fuji-chan?

Fuji: Yeah, yeah, sure.

-picks up pizza box beside tree- Oh, and I still have two slices left. –opens the box- Okay, just one. Want any? The water's free. –shifty eyes-

-To the people who read this, GAMBLING IS BAD. I do not know if it's illegal in your country, but you must AVOID, either way-

If you have any comments and questions, like why I set Shino and Kiba up, you must send a review!! :D


	9. Chapter 9

_The purpose of me requesting the reviewers to join this chapter was for three reasons and three reasons alone:_

_One, it is a bonus, just to thank them for reviewing me. They are the __best__._

_Two, since they like this story, I concluded that they like Gaara and Hinata and well, __crack__! They would be the best fit, because I wouldn't go to someone who might not like it and say, __**Hi! I don't know if you know me, but I want you to be in my story**__. That's just rude, and-slash-or embarrassing._

_And third, if they take so much effort and time into supporting this story all the way and reviewing me and inflating my constantly depleting ego, then they deserve it!_

_Well, to make up for how many weeks of not updating, I have written twice as long! Now get ready and get a few snacks. For you who read from an internet shop (like me), make sure you have extra money. If not, you'd better have a diskette and save it so you could read it later on._

_Warning: I sort of tend to stray from the original plot. This is one of those times. Before you go flaming me about me being the main character and not stressing on the GaaHina relationship, think about this first:_

_This is __fanfiction__. Anything can happen, like people finding a portal to the Naruto world, me and Kiba ending up together (It's far-fetched, but it __will__ happen. I guarantee it.), Kiba ending up with Sakura (Now how's __that__ gonna work? What about __me__?), Hinata ending up with Gaara, Hinata ending up with everybody else (not recommended), and other crazy stuff that I'm pretty sure Masashi Kishimoto wouldn't allow. At least, not in the original manga. That is what fanfiction is for. It is for fans to unleash their imagination (the motto!) and write what they feel like writing._

_Plus, we're helping them get __together__, aren't we?!_

_Anyway, sorry for the ranting but I guess I was being a bit frustrated. I'm having trouble __living__ these past few days, if you know what I mean._

_Hey, did you notice that I only promised to write __five__ chapters in the first chapter? Wow… that was a really long time ago. I'm getting better at this stuff, compared to before. I appreciate the people who actually __read__ my story, who've had enough patience to make it past the first few chappies. This is also dedicated to you._

_To everyone reading this right now, I welcome you into the Naruto world. To my special guests, I mean it in a fantasy-literal sense. (I know, I don't understand me either. But just go with it. It happens a lot.)_

_--_

_Reality Warp/ Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I live with them._

_Second Warning: Naruto-bashing, and violence. To my special guests, please don't be offended by the fact that you'll be beating Naruto up. You'll get your turn with Sakura next, anyway._

_Note: I tend to add OOC-ish-ness a lot. But it's no biggie, right? Everyone ends up doing that once in a while too, you know? I just happen to put more emphasis on that than other writers do._

--

_**Chapter Nine: The Hinata Retrieval Squad**_

"Fuji! You have to use _that_ jutsu!" I yelled; nobody seemed to care that I was screaming at the top of my lungs—everyone else was doing it, too. Add that to the running around, screaming, and mindless panicking, we were like the calm in all the commotion, sort of like the eye of the storm. Or something like that.

"I said I can't!"

"C'mon, Fuji, the fate of the whole world—and Hinata's life—depends on you. It's all in your hands now." _Great. _I had to add that last line. _Great… _

I could totally see her hands get all clammy. Her face was blanched—hey, if someone told you that the impending doom forthcoming upon our world can only be saved by you, wouldn't _you_ react like that?

But then, this is Fuji-chan we are talking about.

Fuji: -mumbles something-

Me: -screams at her-

Fuji: -mumbles something-

Me: -screams at her-

Fuji: -mumbles something, then walks away.

"Come back here!" I called after her. I sigh, and call everyone to stop. All eyes were on me.

"We're doomed."

Aaaaaahhhhhhh!—wait, I'm starting at the middle! Silly me, here's what happened:

Hinata felt the wind on her face. It wasn't the cool wind she was accustomed to; it was drier, hotter. She couldn't open her eyes for fear of getting sand in her eyes. At the speed she was moving, even the tiniest grain could cause a painful impact.

Wait. Sand? Moving?

Only then did she grasp that she was riding _piggyback_ on Gaara!

Her grip on Gaara's neck had turned into a noose as she made the realization. While Gaara was as blue as Hinata's hair, Hinata's face was a bright red like Gaara's hair. Ironic, no?

In front of the three was an oasis. They made their way through the relatively thick undergrowth (seriously, I have no idea what I'm saying) until they reached a clearing.

A small smile tugged at Temari's face and turned back into a frown; she'd almost forgotten that Gaara never slept. The insomnia was a habit Gaara hadn't really quite gotten over yet.

There was only enough space for _two_ tents.

--

Kiba slapped a thin stick on his palm, making a satisfying _snap_. He had gathered all of us at the training grounds, and we were all squatting in the snow getting our butts wet while Kiba sat on a comfy tree stump pointing to a whiteboard with his stick. Don't ask.

Akamaru barked once. (After this, Akamaru's replies are in _italics_.)

"Yes, I know. Hinata has been kidnapped by Gaara," he spat, "and it is our mission to save her before he does anything to her."

_Bark! Bark!_

"No, this is not an official order by Tsunade."

_Whine…_

"Don't worry, Akamaru, we won't get arrested or anything. We've been requested to deliver a scroll to Sunagakure. We'll just be _happening_ to run a few extra errands."

The girl beside me raised her hand. Her name's Kain.

"And how would you _happen_ to explain why there are twelve of us delivering _one_ scroll?"

_Bark!_

"And a dog," he pointed out.

"Right. And a dog."

"These _scrolls_," he said, pointing to a pile on another tree stump I never noticed, "are important documents concerning the alliance of Konoha and Suna."

The other girl beside me stood up. Her name's Atanih, by the way. "Wasn't that after that _bastard_ Sasuke (Naruto winced at this point, and Fuji twitched. Fuji twitching is a scary thing. It means bad things will happen.) left Konoha?" Kain nodded understandingly.

"Yes. But now that he's back, it might be safer for you to keep it shut. Tomorrow you might wake up with a kunai in your throat."

The girls kept quiet after that.

"Now, where was I?" Kiba cleared his throat.

"You never started. You've been conversing with Akamaru," I said.

"Anyway, here's what we'll do:"

He drew something like this (and here's to hoping this looks like I expect it would when I publish this):

O O O O O O

O O O O O O

"These circles are us. That broken line is the border. We'll be splitting up once we cross that line. You girls are going to deliver the scroll. The boys and I are going to save Hinata."

"Yeah, _dattebayo_! You girls are so weak, I don't think you could handle Gaara! Yeah, let the _boys_ handle this! _Dattebayo_!"

The girls (including me) surrounded Naruto. Fuji took out her favorite beat-up-Naruto mallet, the one with the spikes on the end. I had a flail, Atanih-san brought out her katana, Chouji's sis and Ani-chan were already going through a flurry of finger signs, and Kain was bringing out her Dragon Sai—

"Yes?" Sai poked his head out of the trees. He was _not_ the Sai I was talking about.

"Can we get back to the plot? I wanna kick his butt already!" Fuji shouted.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." gives camera to cameraman, his name's Shu—

"Come on!"

Well, we all took turns, while the other boys just cowered in a corner, except for Shikamaru, who was sleeping; Chouji, who was going to kill his sister; Sai, who didn't understand what was happening; Kiba, who seemed to be enjoying the spectacle; and Shino, who didn't care. Hm… So the total number of boys cowering in the corner is… none!

"Now that you girls are satisfied, shall we go?" Kiba said.

We harrumphed, but followed anyway.

--

They only set up one tent. The girls talked lightly, Hinata even laughed at times. Then they got to the subject of _boys_.

"So... are there any boys you like?"

"Um… well…" -- Lookie! Confession! X3

At that exact moment, Gaara burst through the tent. "The Akatsuki!" he gasped, then he got pulled out of the tent. Temari and Hinata crawled out to see Gaara standing in front of them. "Temari! Take Hinata somewhere safe!"

"But Gaara…"

"**GO!**"

Temari tried to rush Hinata out of the clearing and into the trees, but she resisted.

"No!" She wrestled herself from Temari's grip, then ran back.

Temari was impressed, but she was no fool. Hinata might kill herself in there! She followed her to make sure she doesn't kill herself.

--

"Hinata, what are you doing here?!" Gaara growled; half of his face was covered in sand and blood. Hinata gasped. She'd thought Shukaku was already in the hands of the Akatsuki!

Apparently, the Akatsuki thought so, too, and now they're going to get it back.

Another clay bomb flew from Deidara, aimed toward Hinata. It stuck to the sleeve of her jacket.

"Boom."

--

"The wheels in the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round; The wheels in the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round; all through the mission…" We sang nonstop, annoying our driver, Shino. It might have also been brought on by the fact that he winced every time a bug got squashed on the windshield.

I looked out the window to see the snow melting. _We must be nearing the border_, I thought. Did I mention that we were riding a bus?

Just then, there was a bump, and the back part of the bus sank into the sand.

"Quicksand!" Ani yelled. I told you, when Fuji twitches, bad things happen.

We all scrambled out of the bus.

"We have to push it out!"

"You girls do it. After all, you _are_ tougher than us boys." Naruto pouted.

"Naruto! This is no time for arguments!"

We all went to the back of the bus while Naruto and his kagebunshin pulled from the front. We all managed to tow it onto drier sand. We were all muddy when we were done.

Shino and Shikamaru started whispering to each other.

"What is it?" Ani asked.

"It's not quicksand. It's just wet. Must be because of the melting snow. The desert is too hot to handle snow, so it melted."

"So we weren't in any danger?"

They nodded.

We all grumbled and got back on the bus. After a few minutes, Fuji saw a mirage.

"Look, guys, an oasis!" We all got off and went to check it out. It wasn't a mirage.

--

Just in time, Gaara ripped her sleeve off and threw it into the air. Temari's fan blew it higher up, where it exploded. While the Akatsuki looked at the fireworks, Gaara carried Hinata outside the oasis.

"Gaara! Let Hinata go!" Kiba yelled. Gaara's reply was a guttural growl. His left arm was already taken by Shukaku. Kiba performed a string of hand signs.

He and Akamaru had turned into a two headed dog-giant (again, I do not remember the name of the jutsu). Then he attacked. Gaara put Hinata down and countered Kiba's attack. Both were acting on pure instinct and adrenaline. It was hard to tell who's winning.

"Hinata's hurt! Get a medic!" Fuji shouted.

"Um… I can do it…" Ani said, then proceeded to heal Hinata's scratch.

Hinata stirred. "W-what?"

"Don't move, Hinata."

"NO! Kiba! Gaara's good! Gaara's good! He didn't kidnap me or anything! Kiba, listen to me!" Hinata flailed her hands in an attempt to stop Kiba. But there was no stopping them now. Their human side, the side that thinks rationally, is overshadowed by their animal side. Who knew what they'd do next? They just might end up hurting the one they're going to all ends to protect.

In the end, Gaara struck a blow on one of Kiba's heads. Kiba and Akamaru reverted to their original form, and fell unconscious.

I ran over to him and searched for any injury. Shino ran over.

"He's fine," I told him.

The others, meanwhile, were battling the Akatsuki. Atanih and Kain were about to reach their limits. Naruto was under a genjutsu and was paralyzed on the spot. Chouji and his sister were busy doing a combo-attack they've never tried before. Shikamaru was barely holding them off.

The sight was dismal.

Kisame was sneaking up on Gaara, his sword ready to attack.

Hinata was struggling to escape Ani's grip. When she finally got away, she screamed with all she could muster, "NO!!"

Everyone stopped to look. Blue streams of chakra swirled around her and formed a dome around Gaara and us. The chakra lashed out and attacked the Akatsuki. Of course, they were able to dodge them, but with a little difficulty.

They were whispering to each other. I could make out the words stronger, her instead, but the chakra dome blocked out the sound.

As for Gaara, he was worse in closed spaces. He had no control of his body whatsoever now. He had turned into a smaller version of Shukaku, and was nonetheless as formidable. And my theory? Yep. I was right. The back of Gaara's hand struck her head so hard that she spun in midair. Her back hit a rock ten yards away, and the cracking sound made us all wince. (OMG, my sadistic side's coming out. I'm so sorry, Hinata. I'll make up for it…)

Ani rushed to her side.

"She's still alive." She finally announced.

"But so is the dome. We need to find a way out. Hinata's chakra levels are plummeting." Neji had activated his byakugan.

The others and I have been trying to destroy the dome while dodging Gaara. It was not an easy task. We were all nearing our limits, and we were exhausted. Then Shikamaru had an idea.

"We have to _dig_ our way out." -- Genius idea…

"The hell?! How will that stop Hinata from killing herself unconsciously?! That is _not_ a good way to die."

Shikamaru's face was grim. "She won't."

"No… no, no! No! This is _not_ happening! Hinata will _not_ die! Not like this!"

Everybody looked away.

"There might be another way, right nii-san? Hinata-san will make it through. I know it." Chouji didn't answer.

"They're right. There's still hope," I said. "Ani! How's Hinata holding up?"

"Not good," she answered.

"You're not doing so well, either," Neji replied.

"Um... um… aha! Naruto! You have a limitless supply of chakra, right?"

"Yeah, _dattebayo_! I am all powerful—"

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Quit your yappin' and help Ani-chan!"

"_Dattebayo_!" I pushed him toward Hinata before he said another word. This was definitely no time for crack.

"Okay, so what do I do?"

"I don't know. That thing you did with grandma Chiyo."

A wave of depression swept over Naruto which quickly dissipated. "Hey, did you notice that you have almost the same name as her?"

*sigh* When it's time to get serious, count on Naruto to say something completely out of whack.

He looked Hinata over. "What do I do?"

"Do you know a thing about medical thingies?" -- stooping down to Naruto's level.

"No. Am I supposed to? Usually, Sakura-chan does that green glowy-thing."

"Okay, you remember when grandma Chiyo was running out of chakra?"

"Yeah. I put my hands on hers and the green stuff glowed bigger, and brighter." He demonstrated with his hands.

"You do the same with Ani-chan."

"Hai."

"Goodie. Now, how do we stop Hinata's little—"

"_BIG_!" they corrected.

"Er, _big_ chakra burst?"

"I got an idea," Kain said. "Neji, you know your jutsu that seals chakra points?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You do that to the ones that are 'leaking'."

"Right. And don't you go telling me what to do," he said haughtily.

"_Jyuuken! Something-something no jutsu!_" OMG, I need to do my research. If I get this wrong, you may flame me.

--

(Back to crackville...)

"Okay, now that _that's_ solved, what do we do with Gaara?"

"Ooh. We forgot about that. Kiba's still unconscious. We can't get Naruto to fight him, one demon is already _enough_. And I doubt anyone here's strong enough to stop him." I looked into each and everyone's faces, they were all disappointed. After all we've been through; I've been bringing them down. And then I got an idea. Which was definitely not connected with anything I've been thinking…

"Hey Fuji-chan, you know that jutsu you've been practicing with Shikamaru?"

"Um, yeah. I'm not good at it yet."

"Well, you better learn fast, 'cause we're going to do it."

Gaara was still on a rampage. Presently, he is chasing the other guys around in a circle with a sandhammer.

The Akatsuki were plotting in their secret lair. (just pull that funny-looking cane in the middle of the desert)

Hinata was still unconscious.

Kiba was still unconscious.

Akamaru was still unconscious.

Shikamaru was asleep.

Chouji was eating his chips.

But hey, when the whole world's gonna crumble, why not make the most of the last minute?

--

"Fuji! You have to use _that_ jutsu!" I yelled; nobody seemed to care that I was screaming at the top of my lungs—everyone else was doing it, too. Add that to the running around, screaming, and mindless panicking, we were like the calm in all the commotion, sort of like the eye of the storm. Or something like that.

"I said I can't!"

"C'mon, Fuji, the fate of the whole world—and Hinata's life—depends on you. It's all in your hands now." _Great. _I hadto add that last line. _Great… _

I could totally see her hands get all clammy. Her face was blanched—hey, if someone told you that the impending doom forthcoming upon our world can only be saved by you, wouldn't _you_ react like that?

But then, this is Fuji-chan we are talking about.

Fuji: -mumbles something-

Me: -screams at her-

Fuji: -mumbles something-

Me: -screams at her-

Fuji: -mumbles something, then walks away.

"Come back here!" I called after her. I sigh, and call everyone to stop. All eyes were on me.

"We're doomed."

So now here we are, on the brink of destruction, while Fuji-chan was sleeping. _**Sleeping!!**_

**Shikamaru's POV after he wakes up…**

This is not how I wanted my day to go. Troublesome… What… _HEY_! _NOBODY SLEEPS IN THE AFTERNOON BUT __ME__! Grrr…_** -**runs over to give pep talk of the century to Fuji (who was sleeping under a tree, BTW) then proceeds to sleep in her spot-

**-end POV**

"I am _impassioned_! Yes, I shall do it! For Hinata! I will do it!" The good 'ol flames were back in her eyes. Everybody started brightening up; there still was hope, after all.

"Since Kiba is still sleeping on the job, I will be leader." Yay! You people will finally listen to me!

I drew in circles and triangles and x's on the ground.

"What's with the doodles?" asked Kain.

"Okay, you, Ani, Chouma and Atanih-chan are team Alpha. You represent the circles. You have to capture the Akatsuki."

"Right."

"Um, Shino, Shikamaru, and Chouji are team Delta. You are the triangles. You have to hold Gaara in place."

"Right."

"DATTEBAYO! What about me?"

"You're team Naruto. You and your kagebunshin are the question marks."

"_WHAT_?!"

"I'm sorry! I was running out of symbols!"

"Well, at least my important job will make up for it," he grumbled.

"Um… well, actually… You're just supposed to help with whatever else they need,"

"I'm an ERRAND BOY?! No, I will _not_ take that insult!"

"Hey, I never said anything about you being an errand boy. _You_ did," I retorted. "Hey Fuji, you and I are team Beta."

"Why Beta?"

"I don't know! It's fancy, I guess."

--

Shikamaru used his shadow-binding technique easily on Gaara, so there was nothing for Chouji and Shino to do but to help the girls stop the Akatsuki. Turns out, everyone was so keyed up that they didn't really need much help.

So, instead, they took a break and watched the spectacle.

--

"You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Okay. Spi—ooh, lookie! A leaf!"

"Fuji!"

"Sorry, it's rare finding a leaf in the middle of the desert."

"We're right next to an oasis, Fuji."

"Oh, right. Spi—ooh, lookie! It's Sasuke-kun with Orochimaru! Hiiiiiii!! Sasuke-kuuuunnn!!" Some of the other girls (not mentioning who) were grinding their teeth so hard they almost cracked.

"Oh my gosh, Sasuke! Sakura's gonna kill you when she finds out you've been hanging out with Orochimaru!" I shouted.

Sasuke's eyes widened a bit, then continued walking at a much faster pace.

"Fuji, no more distractions?"

"No more distractions—lookie! Kabuto!"

"You guys seen Orochimaru-sama anywhere?"

"They went thataway."

"Thanks! Oro-chaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!!"

"Please, now?"

"Fine. _Spirit break technique_!"

At that instant, a white mist seemed to come from her body. And it talks! On and on and on… Yep, that's Fuji.

"You got three minutes."

"Right."

She proceeded to pull out a similar but red mist from Gaara's body. When it was out, I did a couple of mojo and took out my Gaara plushie (the one covered with pins).

"_Spirit capture_!"

The mist started to get pulled by an unseen force, and was sucked into my doll.

And then it was over.

--

Role playing game! You may take one of these people saying these lines, and have a few other friends do the rest! That way, you'll feel like you're in the story! Wheeeee! Oh, and you must do what is indicated in the –dashes- or you must do a dare.

"Hinata, you awake?" -- random player #1

"Umm… yeah… what happened?" -- Hinata roleplayer

"You don't remember?"

"I remember being in the tent, and the Akatsuki… and then… nothing."

"There was this big mmmm-mmm-mm!"

"What?"

"I think what she/he was trying to say was that the Akatsuki tried to capture you. He went all whoosh, and BOOM! He almost turned into Shukaku but he fought it! Oh, man, it was so COOL! He defeated them single-handedly…" -- random player #2

"Gaara! Where is he?"

"Over there."

"Um, Gaara?"

"Hmm?" -- Gaara roleplayer

"Thanks for saving me."

"From what?"

"The Akatsuki."

"Um, yeah, you're welcome."

-Hinata roleplayer kisses Gaara roleplayer on the cheek-

-Gaara roleplayer blushes-

"Oh, owww…" –Gaara roleplayer must curl up in a ball on the floor, his face scrunched up- "It hurts…"

"G-gaara?"

"Oww…"

"Um… where does it hurt?"

"Right here." –points to his chest-

"I don't think there's anything wrong—"

-Gaara roleplayer kisses Hinata roleplayer on the lips-

--

_**THE END**_

--

Wheeeee!! Gaara finally got to kiss her! I told you I'd make up for it, Hinata. Sorry for ruining the moment with the roleplaying stuff, though.

Hinata: Oh… That's okay.

I'm really sorry for cracking your bones.

Hinata: Um… that's alright.

And now, my guests!

Ani-chan!

Atanih-chan!

Kain-chan!

Give them a hand!

And my OC, Chouma! Chouji's li'l sib!

Fuji-chan, my best friend evah!

Wooohooooo! Okay, guys, you can go wreak havoc in Konoha now.

_after five minutes…_

"_**APOCALYPSE!!"**_

-EXPLOSIONS-

-SASUKE RUNNING FROM SAKURA AND THE OTHERS-

-NEJI RUNNING AND SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL-

-GAI AND LEE IN MINISKIRTS—WAIT, THAT'S NOT SO WIERD-

-TSUNADE WINNING A BET-

Umm… anyway, I've kept you on your seats long enough, thanks for reading my chappie ever! Four thousand, one hundred and forty four words, to be exact.

Bye!

Fuji: Hey, don'tcha think we forgot something?

Ummm…is 'no' the right answer?

Fuji: You sure?

Oh, yeah. Review.

Fuji: No, it's not that… Oh, well.

--

_Kiba and Akamaru are still unconscious in the middle of the desert… _


	10. Chapter 10

_Note: I happened to write this on Naruto's birthday, and a bit after Fujiwara's birthday._

_Disclaimer: I'm bored, so let's make this short. I do not own Naruto._

_Fuji: Believe it!_

_Naruto: Hey, that's my line!_

_-quarrel, Fuji takes out her mallet, Naruto uses Kagebunshin no Jutsu-_

_As I said, I do not own Naruto. They sort of act on their own._

--

_**Chapter Ten: Birthday Bash, a.k.a. The Chase**_

The lights flicked on. I squinted in the brightness, until my adjusted to the light. The dark silhouette revealed itself to be Kiba Inuzuka.

I wondered for a brief (very brief) moment if Machiyo Inuzuka would make a good name. The image was immediately replaced by pictures of angry mobs of fangirls.

Kiba's face was sunburnt.

"Ohmigosh, what did you do to your face?"

"You left me in the desert," he spat.

"Oops." _So _that's_ what we forgot!_

After a long silence, Kiba spoke.

"We'll be having a party tomorrow night for Fuji and Naruto. Bring them presents. It's their birthday."

"Ohhhhh… Oh my. I FORGOT FUJI'S BIRTHDAY! IT WAS LAST THURSDAY! Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh…"

Kiba walked away, leaving me to freak out over Fuji's birthday. And then I thought of the perfectest birthday present ever.

--

Me and the others split up into two groups to kidnap, er, _fetch_ Fuji and Naruto. They were both easy to lure. Naruto followed the smell of ramen; Fuji wanted to get her hands on a Sasuke poster.

We were having the party at the Kage's office, on the condition that we have sake in the drinks. We got Shizune _really_ drunk, and then we could do whatever we want. After cake and dancing (Shizune's drunk dance was perfect for blackmail) we showed them our presents. I stood proud as I was about to show her my present.

"Look at my present first, Fuji-chan!" I said.

"Where's my present?" Naruto whined.

"Look, we'll get to you later. Fuji's birthday was first so it's only fair for her to get her presents first."

"Oh, alright then. Here's my present, Fuji-chan!" He handed her a sock (a stinky one) (with holes).

"Why would you give me a sock?"

"It was last minute and the other sock is missing, so I gave it to you!"

"Er, right."

"Hey! I wanna give her a present!" I shouted, shoving Naruto away. I went forward with the widest grin on my face. She looked at my hands. They were empty. She looked over my shoulder. Nothing there either.

"I give up. Where is it?"

"Aww, so cute!" I glomped her and hugged her as tightly as I could.

"That's your present?!" she choked.

"No. it's outside." I pulled her out of the building, and there it was, a huge yellow box with a red ribbon on top.

"Aww, how do you open it?"

"There's a door at the back."

"Oh." She circled the box until she found the doorknob. She turned it, and out rolled Sasuke, gagged and bound.

Fuji squealed.

Her next present was from Hinata, a pair of fluffy bunny slippers. Fuji put them on for Hinata. When she did, however, she started bouncing all over the place like she was on a pogo stick.

Hinata kept apologizing profusely, while Fuji tried her best to convince her that it was fine. When they finally calmed down, Kiba gave her his present.

Wrapped with a big red ribbon, was a bone.

"Why would you give me a bone?"

I nudged her and whispered in her ear, "I'm pretty sure he's gone through so much to give up his favorite bone."

"Why would you know that?"

"Uh… no reason…"

When she inspected her present, she saw teeth marks and her hands touched something wet. "Ugh, is this dog slobber?!"

Kiba took back his present. "Uh, lemme clean that for you."

Sakura's present was a challenge.

"Just because you got Sasuke for a birthday present," she said, "doesn't mean you get to kiss him."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yeah, so what if it is?"

"First to kiss him wins. Winner keeps Sasuke."

"You're on."

Shino gave her a red butterfly. Sasuke gave her a rock.

"A rock?!"

"That was the rock you threw in my window." Fuji flipped the rock over and saw her handwriting that said: "I love you Sasuke-kun!"

Chouji presented her with _two_ bags of chips, then took back the other bag. Gaara's present was mistletoe.

"Why would you give me mistletoe? It's not even Christmas."

Gaara demonstrated the mechanics to her, using Hinata as an example.

"See? Insta-kiss."

--

Next are Naruto's presents (since I really need to get to the good part I'll just write a list)

Fuji- the missing partner of his favorite sock he just gave away. Don't ask.

Hinata- a bowl of ramen

Sakura- a promise not to punch him for that day (but he was so annoying that she ended up beating him up anyway)

Me- A cool gift certificate at Ichiraku's

Sasuke- a brick

Kiba, Gaara, and Neji- a very scary look, and more ramen

Chouji- he ran out of chips to give away

--

After that, we all helped ourselves to cake and dancing. Again. Shizune got un-drunk (apparently it is a special power only she possesses) and kicked us out.

"Okay, what do we do now?"

"We still have those blackmail pictures. We could get back in."

"I don't think I could still dance anymore. Plus, I'm stuffed."

"Yeah, well, why don't we just play spin the bottle?"

Everyone agreed. We all sat in a circle and grabbed an empty bottle.

"Okay, who's spinning the bottle?"

"Ooh, me!" Almost all of us raised our hands. After a few minutes of (violent) bickering, we gave up and settled this with a most complicated high-class jutsu: Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

And mo picked Gaara. He spun the bottle and it pointed to, you guessed it, Hinata. An evil smirk pasted itself on his face as he thought of the question.

"Will you marry me?"

"NO!"

"Why not?'

"Gaara, that's two questions."

"Well if you won't answer my question, you have to do a dare."

'Fine then"

"Marry me."

"Gaara!"

Kiba stepped up. "Hey, the lady said no."

"Back off dog boy."

"Ooh, this s getting interesting. Pass me the popcorn, please."

"Here."

"Thanks."

Kiba made the first move. He lunged at Gaara, grabbing only air when he landed. He fell with a loud thud on the ground.

-insert cool action fight thing here, etc.-

Gaara was poised for a final blow on the head. At that instant, a white butterfly few in front of him and made him miss Kiba by half an inch.

Hinata ran in front of him. "Hinata, what are you—" his words were met with a slap that left that left as definite a mark as his rival's tattoo.

"Gaara, I don't need protection. I can definitely fend for myself. I'm stronger than I look and you now that. I don't need a man to complete me, and I definitely don't need you."

Kiba smiled. Hinata shot him a nasty look. "That goes for you too Kiba. In fact…" She stood on a stool and called the attention of everyone present.

"Um… hi. I just want you to hear this: I am officially off boys. No dating, no courting, no BLUSHING will ever come from me towards you and vice versa."

She stepped off her makeshift podium and briskly walked away. She shook her head, rubbing her fingers on her temples.

She would need time to collect her thoughts.

--

Hiashi is very, very happy.

Shibi wants grandkids.

Shikaku is very, very excited.

Chouza's putting his whole family on a diet.

Kiba is still determined.

Naruto finally sees Hinata like the strong-willed person she is.

Gaara still loves her.

But guess what? Hinata doesn't care.

Lately, Hiashi had been toting Hinata around as if she were his prized trophy. And in a way, she was. You know that white butterfly? That was a shadow image of a butterfly flying in a forest more than ten feet away. She can make kagebunshin of other things! With that, the total number of new bloodlines she had discovered is two. Add that to the prestige and high status of a Hyuuga, especially in the main branch, she truly is a trophy to be proud of. More reason to hate guys.

But no matter how rude she has acted in front of the "lower species", a lot of them are still in pursuit.

How ironic. Before she'd sworn off boys, she'd been a complete nobody. Now, well, you know.

A week after, while Hiashi was boring Hinata with yet another extravagant old-man party just for her, talking to _really_ important people. Really important _single_ people. Really important single _guy_ people.

And that's when she snapped.

She jerked her hand away and started to run.

She didn't know which way she was going. She kept running not knowing where she might end up, as long as she was going far, far away. She kept her legs pumping until she stopped in front of a huge house. Surely, she thought, a house as big as that would be rich enough not to notice a few items gone here and there.

So she ran inside, grabbed a few provisions she thought might come in handy in a backpack, and filled the rest of the bag with food.

When Hiashi came home looking very grumpy and mean, a brave housemaid approached him and informed him that some girl broke in and emptied the fridge.

--

-End of chappie.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

It was an emergency, they said. What the hell was _that_ supposed to mean? I sure don't need any more problems; I'm broke enough.

I pumped my legs faster as Kiba pulled harder on my arm, urging me to run faster. Did I mention how warm his hand was?

The cold whip of the wind in the early morning cut across my face like glass. My eyes had long since snapped shut; all I had to guide me was Kiba, and he didn't really do a good job. Just a while back I'd bumped into a tree, a stray branch has pulled some of my hair away, and I was pretty sure we'd run over a poor pedestrian.

If I ever become blind, Kiba will _never _be my watchdog.

A housedog, sure, I could live with that.

I squeezed Kiba's hand real tight, though I think I did more damage to myself than I did to him. Still, he slowed enough to turn around and face me.

"What?" I heard his voice.

I opened my eyes. I smiled at the sight. "Oh, nothing," I said.

"The f—" He never did finish his sentence. The back of his head slammed into a thick tree branch.

I laugh at his pain. "Payback."

--

I stared on as the flames licked at logs and ash. They said I'd go blind if I did such a thing. Ha. _They _aren't here, right now, are they? Either way…

I quickly put out the flames and turned on my back. Homeless… it sounded so weird to me, but that was the exact word to describe the state I'm in.

--

The fourteen of us sat once again in the forest clearing, the venue of out first meeting. I looked at all the familiar faces. There was Ani-chan, our medic, Chouma, Chouji's li'l sis, Atanih, the feisty ninja girl, Kain, the famous Dragon Sai wielder, Fuji-chan, my best friend (not an oc), Shino, Sai, Naruto, Shikamaru, Neji, Chouji, Akamaru and Kiba. And then there was me.

"Hinata is missing." Kiba, once again, was sitting on a tree stump, the way he did when we'd first teamed up to save Hinata. Major wave of déjà vu here…

"Again?" We'll have to save her from the 'evil' clutches of Gaara again, then." Atanih gave me an exaggerated wink.

"Er, hi." Gaara stepped into the clearing. He gave a shy wave, and took a seat at the far end.

"Wow, feels nostalgic…" I whispered.

"Anyway," Kiba interrupted my thoughts, "I have called on you guys once again for another Hinata rescue mission."

"Hinata can take care of herself," Kain replied.

"And besides," Atanih added, "last time we went, it was _you_ who ended up the damsel in distress."

Everyone laughed, even Gaara, who probably didn't know what happened.

"Oh, and don't forget the KibaShino incident," I said.

"What KibaShino incident?" they asked.

"You don't remember?"

They shook their heads.

"Well, it was like this. There was this love potion I made for Gaara to make Hinata fall in love with him. Kiba and Shino drank some, and the first person they saw was each other."

"W-wait. That was a love potion?! How come_ I_ didn't know?!" Kiba was red and fuming; smoke was coming out of his ears.

"You prob'ly didn't have any memory of it. It must be a side effect," I shrugged. Then the look on Fuji's face told me something. "Soooo… you don't know _anything _about what happened between you and Shino?"

"What?" they all asked.

"You _really_ wanna know?"

"Now that you said it, I don't think I really wanna know," Kiba reasoned.

"Tell us!"

"Well… Kiba and Shino— mm-mmmphh!" Kiba's hand covered my mouth. I bit him.

"They KISSED!" I jumped up and down, pointing.

"We did NOT!" they both screamed. It was rare to see Shino scream, so we must relish the moment.

"How would _you _know? You don't remember a thing! And, I have Fuji-chan as a witness."

"Yep. We saw the whole thing."

"Okay, that just sounded wrong." We all shuddered.

There was a moment of awkwardness. Naruto broke the silence. "Hey, you know what, Neji, I never saw you come with us on that mission to save Hinata."

"Er, um, well, I…"

"Oh, speaking of Hinata, aren't we supposed to be forming a battle plan of some sort? Or a rescue plan maybe? HELLO?!"

"Hey, like Atanih-chan said, Hinata can take care of herself. It wasn't like she was kidnapped or anything," Kain said.

"So, what do we do now?"

"Tell stories?"

"Sure."

"Let's start with you, Kiba."

Clearing his throat, Kiba started to tell us his story in words that even I couldn't understand half of what he said. It went in one ear and went out the other to me.

"As the first born male child of the main branch in the Inuzuka family, I, undoubtedly, was heir…"

--

The stars are pretty tonight. This was the type of stuff I would have never seen at the Hyuuga compound. I found myself thinking of my life back in Konoha. Could I still consider myself a ninja there? Sasuke left town and was considered a traitor. Still, he came back. Under a few conditions, he was allowed to live there.

Would I ever _want_ to go back?

--

"'Kay, since I was the first to tell my story, I get to pick who's next." He looked at all our faces and made a choice. "You, Ani."

She pursed her lips. She started softly, then building confidence as she told her story (Er, sorry ShyAnimeGurl, for not telling you. I'm making this stuff up as I go…)

"I used to live in a small farming village outside of town. My mum was a simple herbalist healer. I must've gotten my medical skills from her side of the family. As for my dad… well, he…" she broke off.

"You don't need to tell us anything you don't want to say. We're telling stories for the fun of it. How 'bout you just tell us how you ended up in Konoha?"

"I… there was a war between Konoha and another village, and we were smack dab in the middle of it. We had a stronger alliance with Konoha, so we all went here. In exchange we aided Konoha in the war. A few days later they stormed our village.

"Me and mom helped heal the injured while my dad and brothers… they, they…"

"Did they win the war?" Atanih asked.

"Yes, but the toll was high."

"Oh. Sorry about your dad and brothers," I said.

"Oh, no. They're not dead. Dad came home from the war with a shaved head, is all. Wanted to be a monk. And I quote, 'No damn way a monk will get involved with a f***in' war,' end quote."

We laughed.

"Are you sure your dad's a monk?"

She nodded. More laughs.

"Okay, I wanna pick who's next! I want you, Chiyo!"

"Nah. You wouldn't wanna hear my story. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't listen if I did." I closed my eyes and muttered under my breath,"_Again._"

"Oh, come on. Please? We'll all be listening to everyone else's stories, anyway."

"Fine. Well, let's see. I don't really have much of a history…" I paused for a while, and then started with my story.

"I am the fabled Witch of Konoha (haha, made that up), and I truly mean that literally. I came from the Hidden Valley of the Dead, from which I swore never to return."

"How come?"

"I was getting to that," I snapped, "It wasn't that I really never want to go back, I mean, my whole family's there… I was more like kicked out."

"Why?"

"Well, I also wanted to be a ninja. So I packed my bags, walked out, and they told me never to come back. I agreed, since there was really nothing I could do. Turns out, they've got it sealed on stone, sort of like a curse forbidding me to set foot upon their lands ever again.

"So now, I became an exile."

"But didn't you leave like two years ago?"

"Try interrupting me again and I'll kill you, gut you and hang you out in the fields to feed the hungry birds. So, where was I? Oh, yeah. I left two years ago to finish my training as a witch, but since I was like, exiled, I went to the next best place—the library."

"So after spending three months there, I found a way to break the stone seal standing outside the entrance to my home village. They all welcomed me in, since the elders who'd once thrown me out were dead. Then I finished my training, got my Witch license—which, by the way, allows me to fly on a broom— and then came back here. So there. End of story."

"Oh. Okay then."

I pulled out a bar of chocolate from a pouch on my belt. Stuck to the partly melted chocolate was a small Gaara plushie.

"Hey guys, lookie here! It's Shukaku!" Fuji said.

"It is?"

"Yeah. Don't you remember? Anybody wanna have Shukaku as a pet?"

"Sure, I'll have him," Atanih said.

"Yay!"

Just then, Sakura and Sasuke passed by. -- newly-weds…

"Hi! Tellin' stories. Wanna hear? It's Fuji's turn."

"Eh, we've got nothin' better to do anyway."

"Yes!! My turn!" She jumped up and down for quite a while, and with the fading embers of our dying campfire (which I never noticed before), it gave the perfect atmosphere to tell a story such as hers.

"I am the FIRST EVER alliance-nin EVER! Believe it!" Fuji said. Gaara made a sound that was halfway between a snicker and a cough.

"Hey, that's _my_ line!" Naruto protested.

"Shut up. Where was if? Oh yeah. Believe it! What happened was I came from Snow country. There was a war there, so we had to move. I got separated from my family, who ended up in Sunagakure. I went looking for them and that's when I became an alliance-nin! THE END!"

"Well that was… short…" I mumbled after a swallowed the chocolate I was eating.

"You know once, I destroyed a whole village," Fuji added.

Sasuke leaned in closer.

Naruto's eyes grew wide.

Gaara rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"How?"

"I forgot. I was going to this village, tripped over a rock, and when I woke up, it was gone. So now, Tsunade forbids me to go anywhere outside Konoha, but I still go since I also work under Gaara and he's fine with it. So yay!"

"What does an alliance-ninja do, anyway?" Ani asked.

"I don't really know…keep the peace between Konoha and Suna?" she thought deeply for a moment, then got sidetracked. "Oooh! Pretty leaf!"

"She _always_ gets distracted. Remember in the desert oasis?"

"Yep. First it was a leaf, then it was Sasuke and Orochimaru, then it was Kabu—" Chouma said.

"You were with Orochimaru?!" Sakura was fuming. "You are coming with _me_," she said, pulling him by the ear.

"Ow, ow, ow…"

"I sure wouldn't want that to happen with me and…" Shikamaru trailed off, and shuddered.

"Talk about _henpecked…_" Shino commented.

"Oh, I get it… Sasuke's like a chicken-ass and his _wife…_ Ohh… Wait, Shino made a joke!"

-GASP!-

Everybody crowded around Shino to hear his joke. Naruto started waving his arms screaming, "Hey! _I'm _the funny guy here! Pay attention to _me_! I will become hokage, and you'd better watch out…" Just then, like a gift from the heavens, a mallet landed on his head.

Bwahahahaha!

"Fujiwara-kuuuun!! I love you!!"

We all turned around to see an unfamiliar guy with an enormous cake.

"You have a fanboy?" We all turned to stare at her.

"I don't know! What kind of prank is this, Chiyo?!"

"I didn't do anything! I don't know this guy!"

"Then he's a real fanboy? Whoa."

So we ate cake and danced the funky chicken and the worm, to make up for our unfinished party. And we PARTIED till we can party no-mo.

"What now?" I asked. We were all drunk from the soda, thanks to fanboy dude. Hooray for fanboy dude! He gave me a small smirk as he approached Fuji with a jar of cookies…

…laced with my love potion. (MyMojo: LoveMeKun©. Looks like a perfume bottle as a disguise. Soon in witch stores nears you!)

"You wanna cookie Fuji-chan?" he said, handing her the jar of cookies.

"Sure." Fuji reached in the jar to find… nothing.

"Hey! Where are my cookies?!"

Turns out Gaara hogged them all.

"No! There was love potion in those cookies!!!" I screamed.

"Chiyo…!" Fuji was furious.

"But Fuji-chan… Gaara's going to fall in love with someone else if he doesn't see Hinata tomorrow when he wakes up!"

"Is that a problem? Then let's just tape a picture of Hinata to Gaara's forehead!"

"Good point. But what would happen if he falls in love with the _picture_?"

"Oh."

Kiba yawned. "We'd better hit the hay. It's late."

"He only said that since he doesn't have anything to do," I grumbled. So we made ourselves comfy in the forest (real beds, thanks to MyMojo: Funky-bed© -courtesy of me) and fell asleep.

--

Sorry for not writing much about Hinata-chan and Gaara. That was my problem from the start.


	12. Chapter 12

_Note:I did not writethis. Fujiwara did._

--

_**Chapter 12**_

I woke up and saw the blue sky above me. The birds were flying circles above my head. It seemed truly peaceful. I just loved sleeping outside. It was bliss. Suddenly, something wet and mushy landed on my face as the birds flew away. That was when I thought today was going to be troublesome.

I stood up and wiped the gross thing from my face and drowned myself with my drinking water, trying to get rid of the disgusting odor. As time passes by, everybody else around me was starting to wake up.

It had been a long and tiresome journey. We still had no clue where the hell Hinata could possibly be. Took us half the night to continue searching. We know, Hinata can take care of herself. Duh, it's Hinata we're talking about. But hey, you can't help but worry.

Wait… is this my POV I'm seeing write before my eyes. All my thoughts and feelings in my brain. Usually, I see Chiyo's way of writing when we do this story.

I looked around frantically and noticed everybody doing the same thing. Where the hell is Chiyo to do the script!!! I don't want my innermost feelings revealed to everyone!!!

When, alas, we could not find her, Naruto groaned. "Oh man!! Fujiwara, you're writing is sooooooooooooooo booooooooooooooring!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah, Fujiwara, don't mind me saying this, but you take things way to seriously."

"How long must we endure this criminal style of writing?"

"I want Chiyo-chan back!!!"

"QUIET!!!!"

Everybody stared at me as though I just grew horns. Maybe I did. "Alright, I know, I've got horrible writing skills. Just get used to it already! Let's just all hope Chiyo'd be back before I take this story downhill."

Before I knew it, everybody was on their knees praying to Kami to bring Chiyo back. I had my mallet ready. Of course, Naruto took most of the beating. Okay fine, maybe all of it.

Naruto rubbed his poor face and whined, "Why must you torment me so?!!!"

I hit him again, "Naruto, if you call me boring. Listen to how you sound. You're sounding more and more like a soap opera." Shikamaru came in and commented as well, "Hm… probably the continuous hit on the head must finally be getting to him."

Silence enveloped our little group.

"I'm soooo bored!!!"

-silence-

Kiba jumped up and started running around, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! WHERE'S THE FIRE?!!!! I NEED FIRE BABY!!!!!!!"

As he continued screaming and running around, everybody else joined in. I growled. Okay fine. I'm terrible company. But is there any need to go that far?

"Ugh… what happened?"

I glanced at my left and noticed Gaara was starting to wake up. And he was facing me. Recap: Gaara ate a jar of cookies laced with Chiyo's love potion.

I stared at him and screamed. No way is Gaara going to fall in love with me!!! So I did the most logical thing to do. I ducked and Gaara opened his eyes. "I love you…" he whispered.

I looked up and saw him crawling towards me. I scampered away. "No Gaara!!! Get back!! Get back!!!" But the bone-crushing hug never came. I opened my eyes and sneaked a peek at the red-headed Kazekage… and saw him snuggling with the tree I was leaning on awhile ago.

"Huh?"

One by one, all the people who went running and screaming came back. They all had the same expression that I did. "What the fu--?"

"Um… why is Gaara going lovey-dovey with that tree?" Naruto asked.

"I have no idea." I answered.

"Shouldn't we stop him? I think he's puckering up his lips." Atanih suggested.

"No way." Both me and Kiba said at the same time as we got out our cameras.

Chouji stared as he covered his sister's eyes.

Naruto started puking.

Shikamaru just stared.

And everybody else did… ugh, something.

After five minutes. We all got bored and left Gaara and his tree alone. Ani-chan looked at me. "Shouldn't this be a problem if we're going to get Hinata and Gaara together?" I shrugged, "Feh. It'd wear of anyway."

Ani nodded and left, joining the others in making breakfast.

As we said our thanks, the newly-weds came and dropped by. Sasuke grabbed Naruto's bowl before the blond could eat it.

"Teme!!! I was going to eat that!!!" he whined.

"Whatever." Suddenly, he looked up. "There's something different from the script that's running through my head."

Kain stood up and clapped, "Wow!!! The chicken-butt managed to say a whole complete sentence. Who's the good boy? Who's the good boy?"

After being chased around by the We-Love-Sasuke Fanclub. She decided to just sit down and eat. Regarding Sasuke's question, everybody pointed at me. Sasuke almost choked on his soup. Yes, he almost choked on his soup.

"Fujiwara? You're running the story now?" he asked, he was so shocked he dropped his bowl of soup. I scowled, "Not you too my dearest-cousin!! Why doesn't anyone appreciate me?!!" Shikamaru suddenly looked up at us and propped his head with his elbow. "I just noticed something." Everybody looked at him waiting for him to continue, "You're getting more screen time Fujiwara."

Naruto jumped up and pointed. "Hey yeah!!!" He stomped over to me and glared, "Why the hell are you getting more screen time? I'm the star so I should get the screen time!"

I glared at him too and retorted, "You? You're so stupid, you'd probably just sit there eating ramen all day to spend your screen time!"

Smoke was coming from his ears, "Well, you're the one who gets distracted easily!"

"No I do-- Ooh!! Look at the pretty leaf!!!"

Everybody sweat-dropped.

It was then Sakura made everyone know of her presence.

"Um… Guys? Where's Gaara?"

Chouji opened a bag of chips and started munching on them before answering. "Oh, he's having quality time with his tree."

"Ehh?" Sakura asked. She looked around and saw Gaara and immediately covered her eyes. "Guys!!! Why the hell is Gaara naked?!!!"

Everybody spit out whatever they were drinking unto each others faces and turned to look at Gaara. All the girls screamed and covered their eyes while all the boys were staring. Finally, somebody managed to scream and run away.

"RETREAT!!! RETREAT!!!"

"THIS IS A KIDS STORY FOR KAMI'S SAKE!!!"

"HOW CAN HE GO THAT FAR WITH THE TREE?!!!"

------We interrupt this program due to things you'd rather not know about-----

After the guys finally managed to get Gaara away from his tree, we all decided to come back to Konoha for the time being. Hinata can wait for another chapter, can't she?

"SHIRLEY!!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!"

We all stared at Gaara who was tied to a chair. He was currently trying to bite the rope off him. Probably too drugged to remember he could control sand.

"What the hell has happened to him?" Tenten asked as she dropped off our studio behind the Hokage mountain to give us the new weapons we requested two weeks ago.

"I've got no idea."

Shino suddenly came in. "Probably overdose, he did eat a whole jar, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but. Hinata had an overdose of the love potion before too. And she just started beating Sakura up."

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

"Hmmm. You think, if we don't feed him for three days and bring Sakura into the room, he'd beat her up too?"

"Um… I don't know. Maybe he'd kill her or something?"

"Sweet!!! Let's do that!!"

Everybody stared at me. I shrugged, "What? Was it something I said?"

"SHIRLEY!!!!!"

"Who's Shirley?" Naruto came back. As soon as we tied Gaara up, he left for his beloved Ichiraku's. Sasuke came up behind him. "Probably the stupid tree."

Kiba followed after them, a big bone on his mouth.

"Cag begiv he nyamnd a stypf twi shiwiy."

"What?"

Kiba growled and removed his bone from his mouth.

"I said, I can't believe he'd name a stupid tree Shirley."

"She's not stupid!!!"

We all turned to Gaara who was still trying to force himself out of the chair. He only managed to get his arm out. Naruto was laughing. "Whoa, Gaara. Did you forget you can use your sand or something?" Gaara blinked at him, "I can?"

Naruto nodded, "Sure you can!! Believe it!!!"

With that Gaara raised his arms and the chaos started.

------We interrupt this program due to things you'd rather not know about-----

"Damn you Naruto!!! You just had to remind him!!!"

"What? How was I supposed to know he'd kill us?"

"Oh man!! Chiyo's so going to freak!! We destroyed the studio!!!"

"Wait, Chiyo's not here?"

"Well duh! Did you forget or are you just stupid? I'll go with the latter."

"Wait, if Chiyo's not here… that means… I'm the boss!!!"

"Wait!!! No way!!! I am!!!"

Everybody who wasn't there before suddenly came up proclaiming they were the boss.

"I'm the boss because I am the teacher." Iruka announced.

"No, I am. Because I am a jounin." Kakashi stated.

"I am boss, because I am Hokage!" Tsunade demanded."

This went on for a long while until Konoha became a huge battle field. Even Gaara joined in after screaming Shirley every few seconds.

Suddenly, there was this scroll that materialized out of nowhere. I picked it up and opened it. Suddenly, a huge booming voice erupted from the envelope.

"HELL NO!!! I'M STILL THE BOSS!!!"

As everybody stood there, half of the population probably deaf already. "Um… I guess we're going back to searching for Hinata?" Naruto asked. Everybody shrugged and left. Probably going to get ready to leave again.

Now… just one more problem to solve.

"Now Gaara, no more taking strange cookies in jars from strangers. You got that?"

"Yes mommy."

"Good boy. Wait, did you just call me mommy?"

0.o

--

Thank you guys for reading this chapter. Even though this is not Chiyo speaking but Fuji. I'd, I mean we'd, appreciate it if you reviewed.


	13. Chapter 13

_Note: Again, I did not write this. Fujiwara did._

--

_**Chapter 13**_

The sun was shining and the wind was blowing through my hair. It was paradise. And if you are wondering, I was in Hawaii!!! The thing was, being left alone with Naruto and the others made me realize how stressful being the boss was. So I followed Chiyo-chan here and I knew it was the greatest deciscion I have ever made!!!

Suddenly, I saw Chiyo running around with a golf-club in her hands trying to hit the wicked corrupt politicians. I wanted to help too!!!

"Chiyo-chan!!!" I ran to her, but before I could even be any nearer other than four feet of her, she hit me with the golf-club. Wow. That was a pretty long golf club. "Ow!! What did you do that for?!!" I yelled at her. She yelled back.

"You're supposed to be in Konoha continuing the friggin' story!!"

I pouted at her, "What if I don't want to?" I asked.

Before I knew it, she kicked me in the air and I was flying with the birds. Wow, that line sounded related to _Swimming with the fishes!!_

Well, as my life flashed through my eyes. I suddenly found myself landing back gently in the floor of the destroyed studio! Ooh! The fridge is still running!!! Hahahaha, I made a joke!! If you're wondering how I _floated back down gently_… it was because of my baggy clothes.

Wait, there's a joke about that!! It was about three people in different religions and then they try to see whose God was real and then the Chri—

Naruto hit my head before I could finish thinking. "Oi. Aren't you supposed to be in Hawaii or something?" I stared at him and shook my head. "Trip was cut short. Chiyo kicked me out." Naruto showed genuine sadness on his face that I thought he really cared for me. That was until he called over his shoulder.

"Sorry guys!! Trip's cancelled! Chiyo kicked Fuji out!!" It was then that I noticed that everybody else was hiding behind the destroyed door. How did they hide there, I have no idea. They were all wearing Hawaiian shirts and hula skirts and stuff.

Personally, the picture must have looked nicer if not for Gai and Lee. (shudder)

I stood up and looked for the partly burnt script from the room. "Oookay... so where were we?"

Everybody sighed from disappointment. Guess they were really looking forward to the trip. Oh well!! Then suddenly, Naruto spoke up. "I know, we could go on a vacation in the Philippines!!!" Sasuke hit him on the head. "Dobe. We already did."

"We did?"

"Don't you remember tha-- "

I covered Sakura's mouth before she could say anything else. "Quiet!!! That's another story altogether!!!" She kept quiet, and so did everybody else. After a few days of doing nothing, Shikamaru spoke up, "How about we play Snakes and Ladders?"

Everybody jumped up in delight. "Yeah!!! Let's do this!!" But before anyone could get up and get the board game, Gaara cleared his throat rather loudly. "Ah. Aren't we supposed to be looking for Hinata?" We all suddenly got our different weapons and started hitting him with it. "Why didn't you say that sooner?!!!"

"Alright team!! Let's go look for Hinata!!!"

Then we all looked around, "Wait, where's Kain? And Ani? And Atanih? Where are they!!!!!" Kiba started sniffing around the room. "I found them!!!" he yelled as he held out a piece of paper. We all sweat dropped. "Kiba, that's a piece of paper." His smile dropped. "Oh." Then he turned away from us with a snort, "Well… it smells like them."

Shino picks it up. "It says: Out buying imported pizza. Be back soon."

Naruto whined, "Did they say how soon? We're already short on people enough." Neji scoffed. "You call this short on people?" Naruto nodded grumpily. "Well duh!! Hinata's gone and so is Chiyo and then now lots more people are going!!" At this, he pointed at Chouji who was about to leave.

"What? I was only going to get my chips back at my house."

"Anyway. I'm suddenly used to working with more people." He sat down on the ground with his legs and arms crossed and a huge pout on his face. And I guess he was right in a way. I mean. Now, it only seemed as though I took up Hinata's place in the group.

Suddenly, someone burst through the door; he was doing the nice guy pose. It was the guy who tried to give me the love-laced potions!! He was also holding a guy against his will on his shoulder. I know it was against his will because he was currently tied up and had tape on his mouth.

I jumped to my feet, "YOU!!" I didn't notice that Gaara jumped on his feet too. I guess he was still mad at the guy. I mean tree-love in that way is wrong in soooo many ways. Still, he and Kiba fight a lot about what was the tree's name.

Um… flashback!!

_We had Gaara tied to a chair (again) willing him to watch the video somebody taped with him cuddling all over the tree he was in love with only a few moments ago. He was staring at himself jaw-dropped. "What the hell?!" he yelled, "That can't be me!!!" Everybody nodded sagely. "Yes, it's you." Kiba was laughing so hard as he was roiling over the ground. "Man, Gaara!! You should have seen the look in your face!! You looked so stupid!!" _

_Gaara's eye was twitching. "What did you say?" he asked, "I said you looked stupid. You even sounded stupid too!! Come on, calling the tree Shirley when everyone knows that her name's Sharon." _

_Gaara forgot his current fury as he, and everybody else, stared at Kiba. "How do you know that?" Atanih asked him. Kiba looked at us, "What? You don't know her name was actually Sharon??" Everybody shook their heads in dismay. As Gaara walked away too, he still muttered under his breath, "I perfectly know her name was Shirley." And thus creating violent quarrels over the tree's name._

Thinking about it, why do they even care?

Anyway, the guy had spiky bright orange hair and had dark skin. Oh, his hair was a different kind of spiky than everybody else's kind of spiky. His teeth sparkled and it eerily reminded me of Gai and Lee. He dropped the poor guy on the ground and then ran up to me with big wide arms. Probably awaiting a hug or something. As if!! I didn't even know the guy!! His face met with my foot.

"Tell me who you are right now and suffer the consequences."

Ino tapped me on the shoulder, "I thought it goes like _Tell me who you are _**or**_ suffer the consequences_?" I shrugged. "Nyeh... I like my version better." He grinned at me and scratched his head. He eerily reminded me of Naruto. Except a whole lot creepier with Lee added in the mixture. Eww… that was a scary thought.

The guy proudly jumped on the table and said dramatically in a booming voice, "I am Yuji Koshimae!! I am the devoted fanboy of Fujiwara Akira and will follow her to the ends of the earth!!!" Ino nudged me on the ribs. "You know what, you get a fanboy, and he's the kind I don't want to ever, ever have." I nodded. "I agree with you wholeheartedly."

(TT_TT) Why cruel world (mostly blame Chiyo)?!!!!! Why?!!!!!!

By the door, Chouji and Sasuke were poking the guy Yuji dropped with a stick. "Is he dead?" Shino asked from behind. Sasuke painfully pulled off the tape on the guy's mouth. The moment it was off. He started complaining, and grumbling, and calling everybody stupid. Sasuke put the tape back on. "He's alive."

"Whoa. He was a bigger teme than teme."

As I looked closely at the guy's face. I start twitching. You know why? Because—

"I HATE YOU!!! GET OUT YOU STUPID PERSON NOBODY SHOULD EVEN KNOW EXISTED!!! I HATE YOU!!!" Everybody moved to one side of the room since I was now throwing furniture at the now unconscious guy. When my raged ceased, and there was no more furniture, Naruto approached me cautiously. "You know him?"

I nodded since I was panting so hard I couldn't speak. When I finally managed to catch my breath, I started telling them who he was. "This is Teru Saruwatari--"

Shikamaru interrupted me. "Wait, doesn't his name mean monkey on a walking bridge?" I nodded, "As a matter of fact, yes. Let me continue, Saruwatari-baka was from my graduating class (this is true in both the real world and my fantasy world) and he's a no-good jerk who is actually gay and nobody should even know about."

Crickets were chirping as the awkwardness filled the room.

"Ookay… that was a detailed explanation." Sakura stated, I threw a stick I found at her and it hit her square in the eye. "Ow!" she yelled as she jumped up and down. Shino picked up the stick that hit Sakura in the eye and started poking the gay person nobody should even know about with it. "One question." He said, I looked at him, "What?"

"If you hat him so much, why put him in the story?" I put my hand on my chin and thought about it. "Hmm… you actually have a point there." In a blink of an eye, I've got Yuji and the gay person nobody should even know about tied in a rocket I got out from nowhere and was going to light it up. Yuji was bawling, "Why Fujiwara-hime-sama-chan?!!!" I stared at him… "Ugh… because it would make me really happy?" He broke into a smile and happily grabbed the match from my hands and lit the rocket himself.

We all watched them fly into the sky in a twinkle.

Naruto sighed, "So much for recruits." He said.

"Now what?" Ino asked as she twirled and played around with her hair.

Gaara was by the door, a sack of supplies slung on his back. His hair was swooshing with the wind and the sun hit his face, giving him a dramatic glow. "Now," he said, "We look for Hinata."

And with that, we all pumped our fists in the air and grabbed our bags. Because now, the search was on.

--

Kain, Atanih, and Ani were in a dark musky room. Their eyes had adjusted to the dim lighting long ago and they perfectly knew they were in the Akatsuki's lair. How do they know? Because, it was filled with strong evil chakra, and a despicable aura covered the place. Other than that, it was pure instinct. And the big sign that hung up above them that said, **AKATSUKI'S LAIR**.

They heard someone coming down the stairs and they would have made lots of negative remarks on how the lair was kept if they weren't gagged and bounded. The person who came to see them was the dynamic duo that was Itachi and Kisame.

"Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. Three pretty fishies all tied up." Kisame mocked. The three girls struggled to free themselves. "What's the problem? Cat got you tongue?" Itachi moved forward, taking out his kunai and pointing it at Atanih's neck. "We brought you here to deliver a message to my dear little brother and your group."

He lifted the kunai and gently cut Atanih's cheek. It didn't draw blood, it stung her painfully. It was Kain who managed to get the gag out of her mouth first. "Let us go." She growled. Kisame threw his head back and laughed. "Or what? You're in our territory. I don't think you'd be able to do anything." Itachi moved back, "All you have to do is to do as we say." Ani managed to get the gag out of her mouth next, she spat out the horrid taste in her mouth before speaking, "And what would that be?" she asked, a glare directed at the older Uchiha.

Itachi looked away. "As I said, to deliver a message."

"And what would that be?"

A person was heard coming down the stairs. Itachi and Kisame waited patiently. Ani and Kain waited apprehensively. Only Atanih was struggling as she tried to get the gag out without it rubbing over the skin Itachi had cut.

At last, she managed to get the gag out at the same time the mystery person finally emerged into the room. All three hostages gasped at the sight. A beautiful blue-haired beauty stood there, her face blank of any emotions. She was clothed in the usual Akatsuki cloak, and her forehead protector was slung on her neck like always. Only this time, the Konohagakure symbol was slashed in the middle.

One word escaped Atanih's lips as the gag that had bound her moments before now fell to the floor.

"Hinata."

--

Gaara watched his team sleep under the stars. Their dreams wholly different from each other. Although the Shukaku had been extracted from him, he had kept the habit of not sleeping throughout the night. It was useful during night watch at the very least. His eyes were filled with longing and sorrow as he thought of Hinata.

Ever since she disappeared, Gaara kept on worrying about her. Even during the Shirley-incident, he knew deep down that Hinata was still on the top of his to-do-list. He always wondered where she was and if she was well. He wanted to know how she was doing.

He loved her. Even though she didn't return his feelings (for now), he still loved her dearly. He'd make sure she was alright and then he'd give her space to think about his proposal. Even if it took him years, he will wait for her.

I sat up and stared at him. I knew how he felt. He must feel pathetic and angry with himself. He probably believes it's all his fault.

I stood up and walked towards him. He looked at me with mild surprise as I sat down beside him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked me. I shrugged, "I'm half-insomniac (again, this is true in both cases)." I stared at him as he nodded and looked at the sky. I decided to speak again, "Besides, aren't you the one who needs the most energy?"

He looked at me with a confused expression on his face, "What?" I punched him on the shoulder, "I mean, once we find Hinata. You have to have all your energy to become her knight and shining armor if ever she's in trouble." Gaara looked down, "She doesn't want me." I smiled, "You shouldn't say that. I mean, you shouldn't give up. I'm sure she'll soften up to eventually." He looked at me, a glint of hope in his eyes. "You think so?" I laughed, "Sure! Just make sure you don't rush her. Girls don't like that." He smiled and patted me on the back, "I'll keep that in mind."

We both looked back to the sky when suddenly Kiba sat up, ramrod straight. "It's them!!" he yelled. Everybody were waking up, none of them looked the least bit annoyed or tired as ninja instincts took in. I sat up and walked over to him. "What is it Kiba?" Sasuke asked across the clearing. Kiba sniffed the air around us.

"It's them. Kain, Atanih, and Ani."

With that, he swung himself over to Akamaru and they took off. All of us followed them through the trees. Ino decided to speak up, "Kiba, what's got you so feral? If it's just them, why do you look so worried?" He looked back, his eyes were serious. "They've got another scent on them." We were all silent, waiting for him to continue.

"Akatsuki."

_--_

_Fin Chapter_

_--_

Yay!!! Finally!!! I've updated this chapter!!! Sorry for not updating for so long. It would have made no difference if it was Chiyo who did this chapter. Hehehe, my computer got a virus you see, it was the hard drive. They had a hard time trying to fix it. But now, all's well.

Hope you liked this chapter!!! I was a bit crazy during the first part of the chapter, but it turned out kinda serious by the middle and so on. I'm actually kinda proud of this work. Well, let's just hope Chiyo can work with this kind of material because I believe she'd be the one working on the next chapter.

Thanks for reading!!!

--

_Behind the Scenes_

--

Kain: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Itachi: I am?

Ani: Ugh… yeah.

Kisame: Aaah!!!! The dead walks among us!!

Deidara: Hey!! Thanks for the pizza!!!

Atanih: That's our pizza!!! We bought it with our money!!


End file.
